LADY. (slowly turning her head and taking a glance at GENTLEMAN). Well, I must confess he put away his smoking apparatus with a very good grace! (Sees newspaper.) Some one has left a newspaper! (Taking newspaper and reading.) Um, um! Plymouth Gazette. “Foreign News,” “Paris Fashions,” “Early Strawberries.” What’s this? “Escape of a convict. We learn that Benjamin Burkshaw, a criminal of the most desperate character, effected his escape from Dartmoor prison yesterday. The following is his description: Age, not exactly known; eyes, nothing peculiar; wears a long black beard—has probably cut it off; walks slightly lame with one leg, uncertain which; supposed to have directed his steps towards London, or in some other direction.” Dear me! it is just possible he may be in this very train! (looking aside at the GENTLEMAN, then reading again). “Middle height” (looking again at GENTLEMAN); “inclined to be stout” (another look at GENTLEMAN); he’s so rolled up in his rug one can’t judge! (Reads again.) “Slightly bald, with a scar on left side of forehead” (here the GENTLEMAN in his sleep hastily pulls his travelling-cap over his forehead; the LADY gives a sudden start, and recoils as far as possible from the GENTLEMAN). How very suddenly he pulled his cap over his forehead—and the left side of it too! Pshaw! how foolish, how absurd of me! (Reads paper again, and then closes her eyes once more.)
GENTLEMAN (rousing himself). It’s no use! I can’t get a wink of sleep, except by fits and starts—principally starts! (Looking at LADY.) Still asleep! and no book to read except this “Illustrated Guide through England and Wales.” However, that’s better than “Bradshaw.” (During above he has taken a book out of his bag, and cuts the leaves with a paper-knife; turns over leaves.) What’s this? (Reads.) “Maidenhead. It was in the neighborhood of this picturesque town that the famous Dick Turpin—” (Here the LADY and GENTLEMAN are suddenly thrown forward.)
LADY (alarmed). What a shock! Has anything happened?
GENTLEMAN (indifferently). Nothing of consequence! merely the train passing over something—or somebody!
LADY (aside). Rather an unfeeling remark! (Aloud.) Can you tell me where we are, sir? I am quite a stranger to this line.
GENTLEMAN. We should be near Slough. You may not be aware, madam, that it was here that—(taking a peep aside at his book)—“that the famous Dick Turpin”—you’ve heard of Dick Turpin, of course—the celebrated highwayman? (LADY shakes her head). Well, it was here that he was in the habit of spending his leisure hours—I mean when he’d nothing better to do—in—in (taking another peep at book)—“in planting potatoes!”—Poor Dick! my great-grandfather saw him hanged!
LADY (shocked). Hanged?
GENTLEMAN. Yes—I forget exactly what for—something about putting an old lady on the kitchen fire!
LADY (indignantly). Surely, never was a fate more richly deserved!