SKRUFF. Have I? Don’t be too sure about that! Wheugh! I’ve got the most excruciating attack of pins and needles all up my leg in trying to hide this letter! (Picks it up.) The question is, ought I to read it? Of course I ought, or how should I know what’s in it. Here goes! (Reading letter.) “Dear Harry, I can raise the one thousand pounds on our joint acceptance, for a term—but for Heaven’s sake conceal this from Mr. Gritty. Yours, Teddy.” Teddy!—Teddy what? Teddy who? Yes; I remember now—I’ve got him down somewhere! (looking at his memorandum-book). Here he is!—“Edward Mallingford”—he’s old Gritty’s other young man! Here’s a bit of luck!—I’ve got both the young chaps in my clutches now. Ha! ha!—but stop a bit—(reflecting). Isn’t it rather strange, if the captain was really in love with Hetty, that he should give her up so quietly?—then the eagerness with which he bound me down not to cut him out with Florence. What if the money comes to her after all! Luckily, I haven’t quite committed myself yet—and what’s more, I won’t.
FLORENCE has entered from house and runs down eagerly to SKRUFF.
FLOR. (seizing SKRUFF’S hand). Hetty has told me all—all, Mr. Skruff. I cordially congratulate you on your conquest! (shaking SKRUFF’S hand violently).
SKRUFF (trying to remove his hand). I really don’t exactly understand— (Aside.) A clear case—they think they’ve hooked me. If Hetty had got the money they wouldn’t be so precious polite! (Aloud.) I’m afraid, miss, we’re laboring under some little mistake!
FLOR. Mistake? Not at all! Did you not propose to my sister?
SKRUFF. Propose? You mean pop? Ha! ha! ha! Excuse my laughing—but it really is so very ridiculous!
FLOR. Excuse me, Mr. Skruff—but your merriment is an insult. Poor Hetty! I’m afraid she’ll be quite broken-hearted!
SKRUFF (aside). Another broken-hearted one! It runs in the family!
FLOR. Besides, even if Captain Taunton resigns in your favor—
SKRUFF. He has! in the handsomest manner! He’s even proposed to stand godfather to our first! but, says I, “No, Taunton, my boy, certainly not,” says I, “I will not blight your young life, Taunton, my boy,” says I.