Here is a young man who is gay in his manners, and fashionable in his attire—a dandy of the first water, all buckled and strapped after the latest pattern. His bosom is decked with golden chains, and his fingers with platter rings. His tongue is as prolific of lackadaisical words, as his head is devoid of good sense. He showers the politest attentions in the assembly room, or during the ride, or walk. He is, in fine, the very beau ideal of a "ladies' man!" There is another young man. His manners are respectful, but without courtly polish. His dress is plain and neat, with no display and no gaudy ornaments. He knows nothing of the thousand ways and arts by which the other makes himself so agreeable. He has no "small talk" in his vocabulary, and must utter sound sense, on useful subjects, or remain silent He may appear somewhat awkward in his attentions to ladies, but is, nevertheless, friendly and obliging in his demeanor. In his whole life and character, he is a retiring, but most worthy youth. Are there not some young ladies who would prefer the company of the showy, chattering fop; who would receive his address, yea, accept him as a husband, and reject the diffident, modest youth? Yet the latter would make a kind, affectionate, provident husband; likely to attain to respectability, high-standing, and wealth: while the former would most probably prove a poor, cross-grained broken-stick; ill-natured, and perhaps dissipated; dragging wife and family into the insignificance and poverty to which he speedily would sink! Surely discreet young ladies will think many times, and weigh well the consequences, before making such a choice.
Where the hand of a young woman is sought in marriage, she should look beyond the mere personal accomplishments of dress, manners, and conversational powers of him who would make her his wife. Many an individual who has the appearance and manners of a gentleman, is, in reality, a black-hearted villain—a marriage with, whom would seal their wretchedness for life. In accepting a husband, there are certain requisite which young women should consider as indispensable.
He should have some honest and useful trade, profession, or occupation. A "do-nothing" young man, will assuredly make a "good-for-nothing" husband. No one can justly charge you with sordid motives, for scrutinizing critically his capability to secure to you, and such family as may gather around you, a maintenance that shall insure you against poverty and want.
His habits should be unexceptionable. He should be honest, upright, truthful, industrious, and economical—pure in his conversation and tastes. Not only should he have the ability to obtain a livelihood, but should possess prudence and frugality to lay up and secure the fruits of his industry.
Above all, he should be strictly and rigidly temperate. On this point I would speak with emphasis. Most earnestly would I admonish young women never to unite their destiny with, that of a drinking young man. Alas! how many a wife, when too late, has lamented in bitter tears her short-sightedness in this respect. A young man, who, in this age of temperance, has not sufficient self-respect, pride of character, and good sense, to refrain from the intoxicating bowl before marriage, will be very likely to sink into a common drunkard afterwards. This is not always the case; but the exceptions are so rare, that she who ventures the risk, places herself in a condition which hazards her happiness for life. However proper his other habits may be, however amiable and pleasant his disposition, however bright and promising his prospects, however high his position, or respectable his family connections—if he drinks the lethean draught, even but sparingly, he is tampering with a viper, which will almost certainly sting him to death, and poison the joys, and destroy the prosperity of all connected with him.
The world is filled with scenes which attest the need of this admonition. All around we behold the wrecks of families, torn asunder by the intemperance of husbands and fathers, which otherwise might have been united and happy. Wives forsaken broken-hearted, impoverished—children beggared and neglected, growing up in rags and ignorance, to become the victims of sin and shame. All these attest the danger that woman encounters, who links her destiny with a drinking young man. O ye youthful and inexperienced, turn not a cold ear to my exhortation. With all the solemnity the momentous topic inspires, I beseech you, as you value a life of peace and prosperity, never, under any possible consideration, give your hand to a man who presses to his lips the intoxicating cup! Though you may have granted your affections, and plighted your troth, to one who is given, even but slightly, to this practice, if on your earnest expostulation, he will not abandon it, you should, without hesitation, break all connection with him. Every consideration of prudence, self-respect, and safety, urges you to such a step, however painful; and every law, human and divine, will justify you in adopting it.
The suggestions which follow, on the views of Marriage that should be entertained by young men, and "Female qualifications for Marriage," are so appropriate and excellent, that I cannot forbear giving them an insertion in these pages.
"Whatever advice may be given to the contrary by friends or foes, it is my opinion that you ought to keep matrimony steadily in view. For this end, were it for no other, you ought to mingle much in society. Never consider yourself complete without this other half of yourself. It is too much the fashion among young men at the present day to make up their minds to dispense with marriage;—an unnatural, and therefore an unwise plan. Much of our character, and most of our comfort and happiness depend upon it. Many have found this out too late; that is, after age and fixed habits had partly disqualified them for this important duty.
"According to the character of the person you select, in a considerable degree, will be your own. Should a mere face fascinate you to a doll, you will not need much mental energy to please her; and the necessity of exertion on this account being small, your own self will sink, or at least not rise, as it otherwise might do.
"But were I personally acquainted with you, and should I perceive an honorable attachment taking possession of your heart, I should regard it as a happy circumstance. Life then has an object. The only thing to be observed is that it be managed with prudence, honor, and good sense.