“O, Lordie, hev I got all of that?” asked Jake, as he sat bolt upright, with eyes starting.
“It is my unpleasant duty to tell you that you certainly have,” said the Doctor, gravely. “As plainly indicated as I ever saw it. Furthermore, it is seriously complicated with fiat justitia ruat caelum, with strong hints of the presence of in media tutissimus ibis.”
“Great Scott! can I ever get well?” groaned poor Jake. Rachel's strain was on her risibles, and to make her face express only sympathy and concern.
“And,” continued the remorseless Surgeon, in a tone of the kindliest commiseration, “in the absence of the least espirt de corps, and dulce et decorum est pro patria mori feeling in you it is apparent that none of your mental processes are going on properly, which deranges everything.”
“Can't I be sent home to die?” whimpered the wretched Jake.
“Not in your present condition. I notice, in addition to what I have told you, that your heart is not right—its action is depraved, so to speak.” This with a glance at Rachel, which brought the crimson to that damsel's cheek.
“O, Doctor, please try to do something for me right off, before I get any worse,” pleaded Jake, with the tears starting in his eyes.
Rachel took this opportunity to slip away to where she could laugh unobserved. The Surgeon's facial muscles were too well trained to feel any strain. He continued in the same tone of gentle consideration:
“I have already ordered the preparation of some remedies. The Steward will be here in a few minutes with the barber, who will shave your head, that we may apply a couple of fly-bisters behind your ears. They are also spreading a big mustard-plaster in the dispensary for you, which will cover your whole breast and stomach. These, with a strong dose of castor-oil, may bring you around so that you will be able to go back to duty in a short time.”
Jake did not notice the unsheathed sarcasm in the Surgeon's allusion to returning to duty. He was too delighted with the chance of escaping all the horrors enumerated to think of aught else, and he even forgot to beg for Rachel to come and sit beside his bedside, as he had intended doing, until the blisters began to remind him that they stuck closer than a brother. After that he devoted his entire attention to them, as a man is apt to.