HANDY ANDY
“Can you run an engine,” said the yardmaster to Martin Maguire?
“Can I run an engine,” sniffed the bold Hibernian; “there’s nothing I’d rather do than run a lokeymootive all day long. Huh! Can Oi run an engine?”
“Suppose you run that engine into the round house,” suggested his boss.
Bluffing Martin climbed into the cabin with his orders in his mind, looked the ground over, spat on his hands, grabbed the largest handle and gave it a mighty yank. Zip! away went the engine into the roundhouse. Guessing the trouble ahead he reversed the lever clear back. Out she went—in she went—and out again.
Then the chief yelled, “I thought you said you could run an engine?”
And Martin Maguire quickly replied, “Oi had her in three times, why didn’t you shut the door?”
1915—$113,000,000 in taxes was paid by United States Railways.
1917, Oct. 17—The first train rolled over the new Quebec Bridge and trans-continental link.
1917, March 17—The Alfalfa Club gathered and performed with eclat. Owing to the date and name, somebody suggested that the green tablecloth be used and many witticisms and bon mots were exchanged.