AGATHA. Then you haven’t heard the news: he was declared a defaulter this vewy afternoon.
DE W. The devil! One swindles—another tells lies: where can I find an honest man?
WHITE. (rises, having been seated while reading letter) Here! (leading PAWKINS forward) Look at that face—and read that letter? (gives it) The sum and substance of it is this: A notorious pickpocket has just been arrested, and retains me for the defence—confessing that he threw the watch into Pawkins’ umbrella.
PAWKINS. Does he? Then there’s some good in the waggerbone after all.
DE W. Well,—as a barrister who twaddles, is better than a stock jobber who waddles—here’s my daughter. (joins the hands of WHITEWASH and AGATHA)
PAWKINS. Ah! werry good! Jines hands and gives the paternal blessing! All right and proper! But wot good comes to me on it all? It strikes me you are a rum lot—you are. There’s this ’ere wenerable party—(DE WINDSOR) asks me to ’is house—gives me a hice, which doesn’t agree with me, and does me out o’ three bob at cards! Here’s another chap (FERGUSON) as talks as if he had gooseberries in his mouth, and tries to stop my windpipe. Then here’s a sort o’ costermonger in disguise (THWAITES) as interferes with my young ’oman.—And here—(WHITEWASH) here’s the wust villain on ’em all. Ladies and gents, if I’m in any trouble touching your good-will—him’s the party you must pitch into—cos vy? Don’t you see? He’s retained for the defence.
WHITE. That won’t do! I haven’t had a refresher.
PAWKINS. Haven’t you? Then take your refresher there—(pointing to AUDIENCE) that’s my refresher. Give me them ’ere parties on my side, and hang me if I’ll want any defence at all!
| FERGUS. | DE W. | AGATHA. | WHITE. | PAWKINS. | THWAITES. |
| R. | L. |
Curtain.