Resolved, That cutting teeth is a sharp operation, and should therefore, be deferred until maturity.
Presbury G. A. Colton, a little fellow who had just cut his first “double,” opposed this resolution, on the ground of its interfering with “future prospects,”—he went in for teeth now, and the cutting to come being left an open question. The resolution was rejected.
Rucker Smith now rose to address the meeting, when some objection was made to him because he sucked milk from a bottle; it was, however, concluded that he might address the chair if his diaper was pinned tight; on examination he was permitted to proceed. He commenced describing the horrors of a cold bath, and was interrupted by the president, who informed him that the subject of water came more particularly under the head of streams, and could not then be entertained by the meeting. He then proceeded to describe the delights of a sucking-bottle, and was cried down by the unanimous voice of the meeting. Some one now commenced a speech against paregoric, whereupon the assembly, speaker and all, went immediately to sleep!
They were aroused from their slumber by the return of the committee, which, through their chairman, Augustus Vinton, reported the following resolutions:
Resolved, That babies are, and of right ought to be, natural-born suckers.
Resolved, That the introduction of negro nurses among white babies was a dark era in infantile history.
Resolved, That all artificial efforts, in regard to babies, are no go, and that the old fashion defies the ingenuity of Yankeedom to improve on it.
Resolved, That “being born with a silver spoon in your mouth” is a good thing, but an unlimited chance at the titty is a better.
Resolved, That all anti-nursing mothers are undeserving of lively husbands.
Resolved, That we look with feelings of compassion upon those who have adopted children.