All the world was flowing in here from all quarters, as the little streams into the great ocean; and the immense plain was fitted up with scaffoldings for various representations, and tents and booths stood in long rows for the sale of all sorts of nick-nacks, and cakes and sweetmeats, and refreshments; and here were all the marionettes and funambulaires, the buffoons, the harlequins and scaramouches, the most famous of Paris; and the jugglers
“Who teach you knacks
Of eating flax,
And out of their noses
Draw ribbons and posies.”
Are men, thought I, intelligent beings? Is there any essential difference between those who dishonour themselves in representing these fooleries, and those who are entertained by them? And here I stepped into a crowd of persons who were listening to a serious individual who sat upon a platform; he held a cat, and discoursed thus: “Voilà, Messieurs, un animal, qui est digne de fixer l’attention du public. Il a les oreilles du chat, les pattes d’un chat; enfin la queue, le poil, la tête, et le corps du chat. Eh bien! Messieurs, ce n’est pas un chat.—Qu’est ce donc que cet animal?—C’est une CHATTE.”
At a few steps farther was another individual, who recommended remedies for all diseases;—“Here is my powder, gentlemen, patented by the king; it cures the ear-ache, the tooth-ache and scabby dogs; à six sous, Messieurs! c’est incroyable! c’est pour rien! à six sous!—And here, gentlemen, is something worthy to fix the attention of the naturalist and man of letters. It is a little black powder, which results from the incineration of a little animal, which does not weigh more than four ounces, and which lays eggs that weigh fifteen pounds. It was with these eggs, gentlemen, that General Lafayette nourished his army in Egypt during forty days; here it is—c’est incroyable! And now, Messieurs et Mesdames, here is my poudre dentifrique which is designed to destroy the tartar of the teeth of both sexes. Tartar, gentlemen, is the declared enemy of both. Every thing human is subject to tartar; from the innocent virgin to the venerable matron, all is subject to tartar. Napoleon himself, at the head of 150,000 men of cavalry, was not exempt from tartar. You see this child, (here he exhibited a boy whose teeth were in a ‘frightful condition,’ being painted black.) You see this boy, ‘simple gamin,’ he has the teeth neither more nor less black than pitch, and his breath—You may come, gentlemen, and smell for yourselves—Eh bien, Messieurs; you take my poudre dentifrique, you just dip your finger into water, spring water, well water, no matter what water, and you just rub lightly, (here he laid the child across his knees, and in the same way as if sawing a log of wood, rubbed off the paint, and exhibited him with teeth of ivory to the spectators;)—Behold, gentlemen, the effect of my poudre dentifrique, (and here he sold several boxes.)
The oldest hero, I believe, of the modern stage is Punch, and I am glad to see that he retains yet his place at these public solemnities. His harangues here are not always a ludicrous or unmeaning prattle, but often critical, satirical, and even treasonable; and occasionally, he falls under the reprehension of the police. Several punches have been arrested under the late laws. I penetrated an immense crowd, and heard a little deputy of the “extrême gauche” just end his harangue—“the greatest king of these times, I don’t care who is the other one.” We have been trying kings, one after the other, and have never had a tolerable one since King Pepin. Idiots we have had enough, God knows; we have now our Tarquin, whom we have sent to travel for his health in Germany. We have had our Nero too, and our Otho and Vitellius as well as our Cæsar; the Bon Henri, and he was a great rogue, is the only national boast. In fine, gentlemen, we never had any thing of a king down to Louis Philippe. My wife has called three children after him successively; but when they were born, they all turned out to be girls.
“Gentlemen, we have done more for the glory of France under this king in five years, than under all the kings who preceded him, in all years. We have guillotined Fieschi, conquered the Bedouins, and paved the Rue Neuve des Augustins; and finally, gentlemen, we have paid off the ‘twenty-five millions’ to General Jackson, and the sword that was half drawn has been thrust back into its scabbard. Gentlemen, when we want to gather cocoa-nuts in the West Indies, we throw stones at the apes on the trees, at which, they getting mad, shower down the nuts in our faces; and this is the way the American General has got the twenty-five millions.” He bowed, and retired with acclamations. This is enough for the Mountebanks and the Punches, and not too much; for even the tragic Muse, dignified as she now is, in her robe and buskins, took her first lessons from the Harlequins.
In the eating department, in the sucrerie and charcuiterie, there was of course a display—gimblettes, gaufres, echaudés, and croquignolles. Their very names give one ideas of eating. Do you know how to sell cakes piping hot that were baked eight days ago? The bottom of your basket is to be a vessel with water in it, reduced by a secret fire into vapour, which penetrates up through the crevices of your cakes. How appetising they look, just smoking from the frying-pan! If I should attempt to tell you the tricks of the jugglers, I should never be done. The prettiest of all these are the lady rope-dancers of Madame Saqui, whom you will see thirty feet in the air, and ten thousand eyes upturned in admiration. The clown beneath holds his cocked hat to catch any one that may fall.
The most athletic and dramatic of all these amusements, is the Mat de Cocagne. This is a long pole of about eighteen inches diameter at the base, well polished and greased from head to foot, with soft soap, tallow, and other slippery ingredients. To climb up this pole to the top is the eminent exploit, which crowns the victorious adventurer with a rich prize, and gains him the acclamation of ten thousand spectators. The pretenders strip off their upper gear altogether, and roll up their trousers mid-thigh, and thus accoutred, present themselves at the bottom of the mast.
“The first who attempt the ascent look for no honour; their office is to prepare the way, and put things in train for their successors; they rub off the grease from the bottom, the least practicable part of the mast. In every thing the first steps are the most difficult, though seldom the most glorious; and scarcely ever does the same person commence an enterprise and reap the fruits of its accomplishment. They ascend higher by degrees, and the expert climbers now come forth, the heroes of the list; they who have been accustomed to gain prizes, whose prowess is known, and whose fame is established. These do not expend their strength in the beginning; they climb up gently, and patiently, and modestly, and repose from time to time; and they carry, as is permitted, a little sack at their girdle filled with ashes to neutralise the grease, and render it less slippery.
“All efforts, however, for a long time prove ineffectual. There seems to be an ultimate point, which no one can scan, the measure and term of human strength; and to overreach it, is at last deemed impossible. Now and then a pretender essays his awkward limbs, and reaching scarce half-way even to this point, falls back clumsily amidst the hisses and laughter of the spectators; so in the world empyrical pretension comes out into notoriety for a moment only, to return with ridicule and scorn, to its original obscurity.