"Not at all, your honour: you will not find ten living men in the whole fort that our shells have not destroyed. If you do, call Paddy Dogan a spalpeen."
"Well," I answered, "we shall see, sergeant."
"Fait!" said he, "that's more than they will; it would do their dead eyes good to take a peep at our brave boys getting up the breach."
Here was a general titter at the expense of poor Pat; and he exclaimed, "Fait! you may laugh, but it's no laughing matter; how would you like to be kilt yourselves? Answer me that question."
At the back of the breach stood the once splendid palace of its rightful owner, but now one general mass of ruins. The breach was reported practicable, and the storming ordered for the following morning, giving time to knock off all defences behind which the enemy could secrete and hide themselves, so as to annoy the storming party; but the keeledar of the fort, seeing his haughty tower tumbling to the ground, his soldiers falling victims to our shells wherever they showed themselves, and that several fatal explosions had already occurred during the siege, began to think seriously of giving up the fort, rather than stand the storm. He had, indeed, lost a great number of his best men. A messenger was therefore dispatched from the fort, stating that, if the general would permit them to march out with their arms and private property, they would give up the fort. The proposal stood on these grounds: their arms were not worth ten pounds, and the whole of their property consisted of what they stood in. Need there be a scruple in granting such a proposition? Was there anything dishonourable in meeting such a proposal, if only in mercy for human lives? Certainly not. The breach was a most difficult one, and there is no question that, if they had defended it, we should have lost fifty or more men; and it was by no means clear to me, or any man who knew what a breach was, that our success would have been at all a certain thing. Our brave and humane general agreed at once to the terms proposed, much against the will of some of the Company's officers, who attempted to attach some degree of blame to his permitting them to march out with their arms. Our general, however, by his own nice judgment, and the advice of his staff-officers, some of whom had been years in the Company's army, overruled the opinions of the firebrand sub in search of promotion, and the following morning was appointed for their marching out. On viewing the garrison the next morning, it was found to consist of fifteen hundred fine men, well armed and equipped; so that we had no reason to regret that we had not wantonly sacrificed men's lives. The garrison had been originally two thousand strong, but was now reduced to about fifteen hundred, the others having been killed and wounded. When we marched down, the gates of the fort were closed, and the men had manned the ramparts. I was desired to inform them, that the time for giving the fort up had expired; and, if not at once complied with, the general must instantly order the storming-party to proceed, for which purpose they had been drawn up near the breach. At last the gates were thrown open, and the keeledar, at the head of his men, marched out in column, with a firm steady pace. He was a fine-looking man, and, indeed, so were all his soldiers. Their wounded men were brought out by their comrades on cots. These poor fellows we begged might be sent to our hospital, for the purpose of being dressed. On passing the general, the keeledar saluted. The general coolly returned; they marched out, and we marched in. The inside of the gate was covered with dead bodies of men, horses, bullocks, &c.; many of the houses were torn up by the roots, and the smell was beyond anything dreadful. The palace had been torn to pieces, and under its gigantic pillars protruded legs and arms of men and women. The sight was truly horrifying, and I will hasten over it as fast as possible. In the centre of the fort was found the old Armenian governor, who had, during the siege, been confined in a cell, and almost starved to death. I never in my life saw such a picture of woe as this poor creature. He was about sixty years of age; his hair quite white. He was the son of an Armenian by a native woman, and, consequently, of fair complexion, which his confinement caused to look cadaverous. You could almost have laid your finger in the furrows of his careworn cheek, and his little black eyes were sunk deep into his head. He was permitted to join his family, which had been sent to a small village during the siege.
The fort presented one mass of desolation and poverty, the old garrison having taken care of everything of value before they sold it. I had been appointed, on this occasion, prize-agent for the staff of the army, and commenced my search. It was rumoured that Jean Baptiste had in this fort secreted thirty lacs of rupees, which we were resolved to find, if possible. We dug up large pigs of lead, bars of iron, sheets of copper, pits of grain, vats of ghee (a kind of butter), but no money. If perseverance could discover this hidden treasure, we were resolved to find it. After digging above twenty feet, and working our way under the palace, we discovered a dungeon, or cell. Into this we descended, at the risk of treading on reptiles. From this dungeon we traced several rooms or cells, no doubt formerly the prisons of some captive beauties, till they were reconciled to an illicit intercourse with their tyrants. Searching every hole, and digging in every corner, we came at last to a kind of wall, newly built up, through the top of which we could see a door. This wall and door we soon forced to obedience, and we entered a large room, recently cleaned and whitewashed. In the centre of this room was a trap-door, with a large lock. Our hearts beat high with expectation; but what was our surprise, when we found this tomb contained the body of some poor murdered person, who had been buried here! Thus ended our search; and the whole captured property sold for fifteen hundred rupees, which we were obliged to hand over to Scindia some time afterwards. Our next duty was to commit the dead to the earth. In the performance of this unpleasant task, I had to follow one of the Company's artillery to his last home. Observing one of the funeral party lagging behind the rest, I asked him why he did not keep up. He answered, that "He had had a great big fight with the deceased a short time before he went dead, and he did not think the man had forgiven him." "Poh! poh!" replied I, "the man cannot hurt you now he is dead."—"Och, fait!" said he, "I beg your honour's pardon. I once knew a man that was as dead as Barney Flynn's great-grandmother, come to life; besides, the deceased said he would never rest, dead or no dead, till he gave me a great big bating; and I should not like to provoke him."—"Do not talk such nonsense to me," said I.—"Nonsense! your honour; it's no such thing at all, at all; he was a mighty cunning chap when alive, and who knows what he has learned since he went dead?" All I could say I could not induce this man to approach till the corpse was lowered into the grave, and that half filled, when he at last ventured to look in, and said, "Fait! I believe you are snug enough now, joy."—"Throw in a piece of earth as a signal that you part friends," said one of the men; but Paddy quickly replied, "No, no; that would be striking the first blow;" and he went away immediately, no doubt full of apprehensions that he should some time or other receive a nocturnal visit from his comrade, who now slumbered in peace, secure in the cold grave from war's alarms. So much for superstition!
Having buried our dead, we left one regiment of native infantry till Scindia should send a more loyal garrison. We were afterwards given to understand, that his highness was not at all obliged to us for knocking his fort to pieces. We then turned towards home, and in a few days reached Saugar to rest our weary limbs.
After the toils of war, and seeing no prospect of having anything more to do, I obtained permission to visit my wife at Cawnpore, some four hundred miles from Saugar. This was readily granted: I reached Cawnpore in the space of fourteen days; and, in the embraces of an affectionate wife, I forgot, for a time, the "pride, pomp, and circumstance of glorious war." I remained in Cawnpore about eight or ten days, and the place was at that time the seat of festivity and splendour. Dinners, balls, and routs, followed each other in quick succession, so that, at the end of the ten days, I was completely exhausted by dissipation. On the eleventh day, I again bent my way to Saugar, to join the division. My affectionate little partner accompanied me some miles on the road, and would willingly have followed me to the field; but there are scenes even on the line of march that must ever offend the eye of delicacy; and I have always condemned the folly of those wives who have followed their husbands to the field of battle. However ardent may be the affections of such wives, the very act attaches to them want of delicacy: but what will not woman do for the man she loves; she will even share with him the cup of dishonour, and linger in his sight a short moment ere he is plunged into eternity, to satisfy the offended laws of his country. Pity it is either that women love so much, or that men deserve their love so little! Dearly as I loved my wife, I could not expose her to the scenes incident to an Indian encampment.
Having bidden her farewell, I started at speed, that I might not see her again; yet I could not help stealing another last look, when I saw her head was still turned towards me. I, would sooner go through the toils of a campaign than suffer the heaviness I always experience at parting with my family; but duty was my passport, and surmounted every difficulty and obstacle, and in thirteen days I reached Saugar; but, from being exposed to incessant rain, and afterwards to the scorching sun, I had sown the seeds of a disease which nearly cost me my life, though it was some time before it burst forth. It was supposed that the division of the army to which I was attached, would be continued at this station, for the purpose of watching the new-conquered provinces of Saugar and Candish; so we began to build huts or asylums against the winter, and we agreed to send for our wives—for what is man's life debarred the pleasure of female society? Men are little better than monsters without it. Wherever modest women are, there will always be a becoming decorum and decency; but men, when long estranged from their society, dwindle into gross habits; and the hilarity of an immodest song, and the cup of inebriety, form their pleasures, and the summit of their felicity. Our wives having been invited to join us, mine was the first to set the example; and, although the journey was attended with considerable danger, she reached me in four days, at the fort of Huttra, whither I had proceeded to meet her. This personal risk, on her part, to join me, could not but gratify my feelings and increase my love. In the course of a month, ten ladies had arrived, and the little station was the gayest of the gay. We generally met every day, either at dinner, ball, or supper, and our hearts were as light as our pockets.
While we were at this station, there was a large monkey that was a general nuisance, from the numerous robberies which he committed under the dark mantle of night. He would pounce into shops, and would run off with silks, satins, silver, gold, and indeed anything within his reach. On one of these excursions, having taken a fancy to a shawl, he rushed into the shop and grasped it; but the shawl being rather heavy and long, it retarded his progress, and the master of the shop seized him by the tail. He held fast, the monkey pulled; he called for help, the monkey screamed; he kicked, the monkey bit. At last the owner of the shawl seized the animal's tail with his grinders, and poor Jacko went off with his prize, but minus some six inches of his tail. By the blood they traced his steps to an old dilapidated mosque, where he was shot. Here were found the spoils of many a midnight ramble, and which many an honest neighbour laid under the stigma of having stolen. Such was the power of this monkey, that he would have mastered many a man. These animals, in India, I think are very sagacious and cunning, being petted and fed by men, and frequently living in the houses of the Hindoos. I recollect a young man, a cadet, who was proceeding up the river, and was not accustomed to these creatures, incautiously shot one of the older gentlemen out of several whom he saw. Even amongst these animals age is honourable; they one, and all sallied out upon him, and he took to his heels fast, throwing away his pouch, which was full of balls, shot, &c. These they seized, and still pursued him, until he parted with his shot-belt, and at last threw away his gun. As soon as they saw him unarmed, they bit him terribly, and he escaped merely with life. The boats to which he belonged were fortunately not far distant from him, and from these a party was formed, who sallied out against his pursuers. The first sight that presented itself was about a dozen hoary gentlemen examining the contents of the shot-belt and pouch. Seeing themselves overpowered, they wisely ran into the adjoining woods, taking with them the pouch and shot-belt. The gun they declined having anything to do with. I would caution young men proceeding up the river, to steer clear of these artful and mischievous creatures.