SOCIAL HAPPENINGS AT BIRD CENTER
Since the war in the Far East began, there has been more or less interest evinced by our townsmen in the great struggle. Consequently, when some of our prominent citizens suggested that a talk be given by Captain Fry on the subject, everybody enthusiastically seconded the proposition. The gallant captain, himself a keen student of military strategy, as well as a hero of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, and a thousand other equally noted battles, promised to give the talk and, in fact, did give it at the Opera House last Friday evening. Mr. Smiley Green, the popular undertaker, introduced the speaker with a few timely and well-chosen remarks, after which Captain Fry launched vigorously into his subject.
“First, I want to explain what has led up to the present aggravated condition of affairs in the Far East. For many years Russia has slowly but surely been expanding to the eastward, until she is now in possession of all northern Asia. But she has no outlook to the sea for her commerce, except the ice-bound port of Vladivostok way up yonder [pointing to the map]. She is like a great wheat field full of grain with no gate to get the grain out. So what does she do? She decides to get a port farther south. When Japan licked the Chinese in ’94, and captured Port Arthur and a good part of Manchuria, Russia gets France and Germany to protest against Japan’s retaining Port Arthur. They protest and Japan is cheated out of the spoils of war. Then Russia quietly leases Port Arthur from the Chinese for twenty-five years and moves in. She doesn’t think England will stand for her action, but England had a weak Prime Minister, and no protest was made. Of all the nations of the earth, Russia was the most surprised to find that she was to be allowed to keep Port Arthur. So she proceeded to fortify and prepared to stay a good deal longer than her lease called for. Japan is sore, but all the powers were against her. Russia then decides that she must have all the land between Port Arthur and Siberia, so she proceeds to occupy Manchuria. When anybody protested she said she was going to get out day after to-morrow, but she didn’t calculate to. She had worked a bluff at Port Arthur, so why not work another for Manchuria? Japan was foxy and saw how it would come out if she didn’t step in and register a kick. So she demands that Russia move out and Russia says ‘Certainly,’ but when moving day came, Russia couldn’t find the moving man. Instead of that, she moved a few thousand soldiers in and hung up a sign, ‘We are here to stay.’ Then Japan began to oil up her musket. ‘If Russia is allowed to do as she pleases out here, she will soon have Japan in the corner pocket,’ she says, ‘and Japan wants at least a little room to roll around in. We don’t propose to have a big man with a gun leaning up against us on the starboard side, so here’s where we get busy.’ So Japan prepares for fight, but Russia doesn’t think she is in earnest. She calls Japan a little pigmy and delays rolling up her sleeve. At that moment Japan inaugurated what Mr. Gus Figgey would call ‘Rough House’ and lands on Russia at Port Arthur with the result that Russia wakes up to find her solar plexus dislocated.”
At this point in Captain Fry’s speech there were loud shouts of approval, in the midst of which could be heard the voice of Gus Figgey ringing out in strident tones, “Hot stuff, Cap.”
“And now what is a-goin’ to happen?” resumed Captain Fry. “I will tell you. Japan is a-goin’ to land a couple regiments on this what’s-its-name peninsula, destroy the railway, and cut the line of communication to Port Arthur. Then she can plant her siege guns on the hills back of the town and throw in a few hundred ton of grape and canister until the garrison capitulates. Then the Japs can march up through Manchoory, capture the Siberian railway and in six weeks capture St. Petersburg. The Japs already have Sayool down yonder in Corea, and can bombard the Yayloo River when they’re a mind to.”
Many of the audience congratulated Captain Fry on his address, and assured him that they now could intelligently follow the news from the war.
—J. Oscar Fisher, in the Bird Center Argosy.
A BIRD CENTER VIEW ON THE RUSSIAN-JAPANESE WAR