“Should I seek Hymen’s tie,
As a poet I die,
Ye Benedicts mourn my distresses:
For what little fame
Is annexed to my name,
Is derived from Rejected Addresses.”
The two following are amongst the best of his good things. A gentleman with the same Christian and surname took lodgings in the same house. The consequence was, eternal confusion of calls and letters. Indeed, the postman had no alternative but to share the letters equally between the two. “This is intolerable, sir,” said our friend, “and you must quit.” “Why am I to quit more than you?” “Because you are James the Second—and must abdicate.”
Mr. Bentley proposed to establish a periodical publication, to be called The Wit’s Miscellany. Smith objected that the title promised too much. Shortly afterwards, the publisher came to tell him that he had profited by the hint, and resolved on calling it Bentley’s Miscellany. “Isn’t that going a little too far the other way?” was the remark.
A capital pun has been very generally attributed to him. An actor, named Priest, was playing at one of the principal theatres. Some one remarked at the Garrick Club, that there were a great many men in the pit. “Probably, clerks who have taken Priest’s orders.” The pun is perfect, but the real proprietor is Mr. Poole, one of the best punsters as well as one of the cleverest comic writers and finest satirists of the day. It has also been attributed to Charles Lamb.
Formerly, it was customary, on emergencies, for the judges to swear affidavits at their dwelling-houses. Smith was desired by his father to attend a judge’s chambers for that purpose, but being engaged to dine in Russell-square, at the next house to Mr. Justice Holroyd’s, he thought he might as well save himself the disagreeable necessity of leaving the party at eight by dispatching his business at once: so, a few minutes before six, he boldly knocked at the judge’s, and requested to speak to him on particular business. The judge was at dinner, but came down without delay, swore the affidavit, and then gravely asked what was the pressing necessity that induced our friend to disturb him at that hour. As Smith told the story, he raked his invention for a lie, but finding none fit for the purpose, he blurted out the truth:—
“ ‘The fact is, my lord, I am engaged to dine at the next house—and—and——’
“ ‘And, sir, you thought you might as well save your own dinner by spoiling mine?’
“ ‘Exactly so, my lord, but——’
“ ‘Sir, I wish you a good evening.’ ”
Smith was rather fond of a joke on his own branch of the profession; he always gave a peculiar emphasis to the line in his song on the contradiction of names: