It is true, I have lived in the communion of the church, and frequented its service on Sundays, when I was not too idle, or otherwise disposed of by my business and pleasures: but then, my conformity to the public worship has been rather a thing of course, than from any real intention of glorifying God; had it been so, I had been more devout when there, and more fearful of ever neglecting it.
14. But the thing that now surprizes me above all wonders, is this, that I never had so much as a general intention of living up to the piety of the gospel. This never so much as entered into my heart. I never once in my life considered, whether my way of life was such as would procure me the mercy of God at this hour.
How easy a thing would salvation be, if it could fall into my careless hands, who have never had so much serious thought [♦]about it, as about any one common bargain that I have made?
[♦] duplicate word removed ‘about’
Do you think any thing can astonish and confound a dying man like this? What pain do you think a man must feel, when his conscience lays all this folly to his charge, when it shews him how regular, exact, and wise he has been in small matters, that are passed away like a dream, and how stupid and senseless he has lived without any reflection, in things of such eternal moment, as no heart can sufficiently conceive them?
Oh my friends! a careless life, unconcerned and inattentive to the duties of religion, is so without all excuse, so unworthy of the mercy of God, such a shame to the sense and reason of our minds, that I can hardly conceive a greater punishment, than for a man to be thrown into the state that I am in, to reflect upon it.
Penitens was here going on, but had his mouth stopped by a convulsion, which never suffered him to speak any more. He lay convulsed for about twelve hours, and then gave up the ghost.
CHAP. IV.
We can please God in no state or employment, but by intending and devoting it all to his glory.