5. Some account of the manner wherein he found peace with God, (two or three months after his brother) I lately found in his pocket-book. The substance of it was this:
“In reading the three first chapters of St. John, while I was in much trouble and heaviness of soul, the Lord gave me great comfort; especially from these words, To as many as believe in his name, to them gave he power to become the sons of God. But soon after I was stript of all, as though God had left me, a final cast-away. Nevertheless I went into my closet, and with a heavy heart said, Lord, I praise thee, that thou hast not given me over unto death. But how shall I appear before thee? While I spoke, the Lord answered, and applied these words, I am thy righteousness; which burst the cords that before kept my spirit down.”
6. He often complained, that when he found great joy, he was in the greatest danger both of pride and lightness: and therefore said, he had much rather, if it were the will of God, be always in a mourning state. He likewise found great temptation to pride when he was most blessed in speaking to the people. And this was the main reason of his not stirring up the gift of God which was in him.
7. He frequently repeated those words of St. Paul, It is good for a man not to touch a woman; and those of Job, I have made a covenant with my eyes; why then should I think upon a maid! He was very jealous over himself when he was in company with those of a different sex. And if no man besides himself was there, he generally quitted the company as soon as he could.
8. In the latter part of his life he was much grown in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. He sometimes saw, as he said, anger and pride in himself; but they had no power: neither had the love or desire of any creature; they were all in subjection under his feet. He was more and more dead to all earthly things, and filled with the fire of God’s love. The work of God had a deeper root in his heart and he was more settled and established in the grace of God.
9. After his brother’s death, he declared he could not rest through the earnestness of his desire to follow him. However in the mean time he put in practice what Samuel spoke of, namely meeting all the family once a week. He reproved me and his mother in several things; but we could not reprove him in any. I could not convince him or Samuel of sin, for two years or more.
10. On Wednesday, September 10, in the evening he found himself out of order; he went to bed something earlier than usual, and soon appeared to be in a high fever. But his confidence in God was still the same, and all his words, both that night and the next day, convinced all who came near him, that the peace of God continually ruled his heart.
11. On Thursday evening, between nine and ten, his sister sitting by him said, “Lord, shall I call, and wilt thou not answer? No; it cannot be. Thou hast promised every one that asks in faith shall receive.” Then he began praying for his father and mother; for his brothers and sisters, and in particular for her that sat by him. “O my God marry her to thyself, make her all glorious within. Give her an undivided heart.” He then prayed for himself. “Now come O my God, and sanctify me wholly. Press me closer to thyself. Thou knowest, this is all my desire. Give me power to declare thy wonderous works before I go hence. O death where is thy sting? O grave where is thy victory?”
12. As Mary Busvine came to the bedside he looked on her and said, “Now I am free. Now my heart is at liberty. I will praise my God as long as I have breath.” After speaking much to the same effect, he laid still a small time, and then broke out into exceeding loud, vehement prayer, his voice being quite altered and every sentence [♦]pronounced with uncommon emphasis. He prayed first for all estates and conditions of men; that the church of Christ might spread over all the nations, that ten thousand times ten thousand might be converted to God, and all the people of the earth praise him. Then he prayed for all ministers of the gospel, from the greatest even to the least; especially for those whom God had lately employed to seek and save those that were lost in Cornwall. Afterwards he prayed for John Trembath that he might live to the glory of God, who had brought him back from the gates of death, and might be a means of saving many souls from the bitter pains of eternal death. He then prayed for the society: “O Lord unite them as the heart of one man. O Lord, give them eyes to see whereinsoever they have departed from thee. O take from them the spirit of unthankfulness, and suffer them not to bite or devour one another. Heal thou their backslidings and spread over them the banner of thy love!”
[♦] “pronunced” replaced with “pronounced”