Upon their laughing at what he said, he could not forbear weeping. He then turned away and said no more; but it had such an effect upon him, that he could not sleep all night, to think what an unhappy state they were in.
One of his fellow prisoners being asked, “Whether his peace was made with God, or whether he could say his sins were pardoned, as Mr. Lee did?” He replied, “He hoped it was.” Mr. Lee immediately said, “That is a sure sign your peace is not made with God; for, if it was, you would not only hope it was, but be sure of it; you would feel the effects of it; your soul would be warmed with love; you would love Jesus Christ, and long to be with him?”
The two prisoners that died with him, asked him to eat with them. He answered, “No—What, must we eat to grow fat for the grave? Our thoughts had need to be engaged about other things, than in filling and pleasing the flesh.”—They answered, “If we think so much, it will make us mad.”—“What (said he) are you afraid of being mad by repenting of your sins? You have more need of being afraid of going to hell for the committing of them: if we had not all been mad, we had not committed those things that brought us here. And I am sure we shall be madder still, if before we have lost our bodies, we take no heed to save our souls.”——“Ay! But (says one of them) we shall some, if not all of us, get off, for the dead warrant is not come down yet.”——“What then (said he) if the dead warrant saves any of our bodies, it does not save our souls. We have need to be thoughtful about death, and to seek to have our peace made with God, if we escape death at [♦]this time.”
[♦] “his” replaced with “this” per Errata
One of the prisoners said, “Can you now forgive your prosecutor?”—“As I am a dying man (said he) I love all mankind, my prosecutor and all, as I love my own soul; I do not know any person, not even the greatest enemy I have or ever had, but whom I as heartily love, as I do myself; and I can pray for them as readily as I can for my greatest friends.”
The night before the dead warrant came down, he was filled with more joy than usual, and said, “Now the Lord is smiling upon me; now he is speaking comfort to my soul; now, now, I find nothing shall separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus: O how does the Father of mercies manifest his love to me, and make me to taste of the joys of heaven before I come there: now my heart feels what my mouth cannot utter: *he hath made darkness light before me; my dark cell, and my dark soul, is full of the glory of the Lord; I am as full as my poor soul can contain of the divine presence: and if the foretastes of glory are so great, What must heaven itself be? God hath opened my eyes to behold his glory, and my soul is dazled with the sight of it.”
When the dead warrant came, and he was informed he was in it: “Blessed be God, (he said) I am not daunted: I receive the account with joy: and had it been to have died immediately, it would not have surprized me; for I am ready for it.—Lord, thou knowest I am waiting for thy salvation; and must I stay still Wednesday before I am with thee? Why must my longing soul be kept from thee till then?——But it is thy will, and I am content to wait till thou shalt take me for ever unto thyself.——O what a blessed day will that be to my soul, when it will be separated from its body, to be with Christ for ever! Death, do thy worst; thou canst not hurt me; for thy sting is taken away, and thou canst but carry me to glory; to the glory prepared for me.——Lord, into thy arms I will throw myself. Lord, I come, I come; I long to come to thee; I resign myself to thee, and I depend for salvation only on thee, my dear Lord Jesus Christ; thou art my Saviour; thou art my God, and thou wilt be mine for ever, and ever. Thou hast forgiven me, and by thy grace I forgive all my enemies. O that they may all be saved, and brought to live with thee in thy glory.——O who could have thought there had been so much sweetness at the bottom of this bitter cup?——O Walton, Walton; turn unto God, before it is too late: let my death be the means of making thee leave thy evil ways: and may God change thy heart, and forgive thee, as he hath forgiven me.”
“Oh (said he) I find more solid joy and comfort in death than ever I found in all the pleasures of life. Oh, that my relations would not weep for me: it grieves me to see them grieve. Oh, that they may speedily turn to God, and then, though we part here in sorrow, we shall meet hereafter in joy; never, never to part again.—Now, my God, I can sing of thy salvation: my tongue shall sing of thy righteousness: and shortly shall I be, where I shall sing praises, without ceasing, for ever.—What will my friends weep when I am thus to be employed! O let them learn to follow me; not to follow me in sin, to prison, or to a gallows; but follow me to Christ Jesus.—O that they would attend to the voice of a dying man, and cry to God for his grace, that they may break off their sins by repentance, and lay hold of Christ by faith, for everlasting life and salvation. Beg of God a broken spirit; since a broken and contrite heart, God will not despise.”
The night before his execution, he spent in prayer and praise, and was heard to say, “Lord my time is short here, let me not fear in my last moments: give me courage to face death: let me not be afraid of its terrors: let thy grace fill me with consolation: and let me go off the stage of life, testifying what thou hast done for my soul. May I declare thy pardoning grace to me. To thee, O Lord, do I fly for succour. To thee I come with a Saviour in my arms; and, if I perish, it shall be crying out, God be merciful to me a sinner! If thou hurlest me down to hell, I will keep my hold on Christ Jesus, and I will not let him go till thou dost bless me.”
Praying with a friend (he said) Lord strengthen my faith in my dying moments, that I may not dishonour thee by the fear of death, but enable me to bear a testimony to thy pardoning grace. May I die in the full assurance of faith, and leave a testimony of the freeness of thy grace, and of thy readiness to pardon the chief of sinners.