His return to King’s-college after his father’s death and his temptations.
WHEN his father was dead he returned again to King’s-college, and was a member of a society, which began to contrive how they might best be serviceable to God and their generation. Their custom was frequently to meet together, to pray and to communicate studies and experiences. Some of this company grew cold, but others lived to let the world see, that what they did was from a vital principle: among whom, this young man was none of the least. One of their designs was to engage the Juniors, if possible, before they were ensnared by wicked company, when they came from school. After some time, most of his dear companions were transplanted either into gentlemen’s families or livings, and Mr. Janeway, being one of the youngest, was, for a while, left alone in the College. But wanting suitable society, he fixed so intensely upon his studies, that he soon gave an incurable wound to his constitution.
But he had his gloomy days, and his sweets were sometimes imbittered with dreadful and horrid temptations. The devil shot his poisonous arrows at him: yet through the captain of his salvation, he came off more than conqueror.
It would make a Christian’s heart even ake to hear what strange temptations he was exercised with. But he was well armed for such a conflict, having the shield of faith, whereby he quenched the fiery darts of that wicked one: yet, this fight cost him the sweating of his body for agonies of spirit; and tears and strong cries to heaven. As for himself, he was wont to take an arrow out of God’s quiver, and discharge it by faith and prayer, for the discomfiture of his violent enemy, who at last was fain to fly.
These conflicts with Satan, did not a little help [♦]him dealing with them that are afflicted with the like temptations. I insert a letter of his to one in the like case.
[♦] “in” replaced with “him” per Errata
Dear Friend,
‘You say that you are troubled with blasphemous thoughts: so then, though they are blasphemous, yet they are your trouble; and neither sent for, nor welcome. What then shall we think of them? If they were your own production, your heart would be delighted in its own issue, but it is nothing less. They are the injections of that wicked one, who is the accuser of the brethren, and the disturber of the peace of the people of God. But Satan uses only to employ those weapons against those he is in fear of losing? He is not wont to assault and fight against his friends in this manner. Those that he hath fast, he leads on as softly and quietly as he can; fearing lest they should awake, and see their danger: but those that have in some measure escaped his snares, he follows hard, with all the discouragements he can. These things are no other but a bitter relish of those things, which you know to be bitter after you have tasted how good the Lord is. What then shall I call these motions of your mind? They are the soul’s loathing the morsels which Satan would have it swallow: but you will say, if these horrible thoughts be not your sin, yet they are your misery. And you will ask, How shall I get free from them? First, See that you possess your soul in patience: know that God hath an over-ruling hand in all this: and wait upon him, for he can and will bring good out of all this evil. At present you see no light: yet, Trust in the Lord, and stay yourself upon your God. Can Christ forget the purchase of his own blood? Can a mother forget her sucking child? Yet, God cannot forget his. God hath gracious intents in all this, and his bowels yearn towards you. Yea, our Saviour suffers with us, through his ardent love by sympathy, as well as he hath suffered for us. And you know he hath all power in his hand. This power is made yours through the prayer of faith: but for your own work, do this.
‘First, Let not such thoughts have any time of abode in your mind, but turn them out with all the abhorrence you can: yet not with so much trouble and disturbance of mind as I believe you do. For by this the devil is pleased and makes you your own tormentor.
‘Secondly, Always divert your thoughts to some good thing, and let those very injections be the occasion of spiritual meditation. Think the quite contrary, or fall a praying with earnestness; and the devil will be weary if he finds his designs thus broken, and that those sparks of hell (which he struck into the soul to kindle corruption,) set faith and prayer a working.