To three ministers he said, “My dear brethren, it is purely from a sincere love to you, that I presume to say, when God helped me to diligence in studying and meditating, I found him then remarkably shining upon me. There is nothing to be had with a slack hand. You are in an evil day. However, be [♦]faithful and God will strengthen you for his own work, if you are faithful therein. You cannot, it is true, bring all persons to the Lord, but you may make their consciences, will they, or nill they, speak for the Lord.
[♦] “faithul” replaced with “faithful”
“I repent continued he, I did not do more for him; but I have peace in it; what I did, I did in sincerity: he accepts of the mite. It was the delight of my heart to preach the gospel, and it made me sometimes neglect a frail body. I desired to decrease, that the bridegroom might increase, and to be nothing, that he might be all. And I rejoice in his highness.
*“Brethren, this is encouragement to you to try and go farther. Alas! I have gone no length; but would fain have gone farther: the hand of the diligent maketh rich. Much study, much prayer, temptations also, and distinct deliverances from temptations, are useful helps, I was fond enough of books; but I must say what God let me see of my ill heart, was of more use than all my books.” One said, “This is to believe and therefore to speak.” He replied, “The Lord help me to honour him. I desire no more. O that I had the tongues of men and angels to praise him! I hope shortly, to get a will to answer my duty, and ability to answer my will. O to be helped so, and to fear always! How soon should I fall, if he withdrew! But do not stumble, Sirs, though, I should be shaken. The foundation standeth sure.”
When advised to be quiet a little, he said, “How should a man bestow his last breath, but in commending the Lord Jesus Christ, God cloathed in our nature, dying for our sins!” And when again prest to be tender of his body, he said, “O but my heart is full!” And then desiring a minister to pray for him, he said, “Pray that God may have pity on a weak thing, that is not able to bear much in the conflict!”
To two other ministers he said, “Above all scan your own hearts, and make use of what discoveries you get there, to enable you to dive into consciences, to awaken hypocrites, and to separate the precious from the vile; and to do it with that accuracy, and caution, as not to make sad the hearts which God hath made glad!”
“With respect to the difference which this oath is like to make among ministers, with the greatest earnestness I say, whenever it begins, remember, difference is a hot thing; there must be condescension, tenderness and forbearance. We must not fly at the ball. Whatever apprehensions I have, of some ministers not acting conscientiously, and preaching in such a way as may do hurt; yet I would speak tenderly, and act tenderly toward them. Let there be much of the forbearance and meekness that is in Jesus. Follow peace: peace is worth much: wound not our church among her enemies. The deadly evil which I fear will ruin all, is, coldness and indifferency. Many seem to try, how far they may go without being lost; but the Christian’s rule is, to stand at a distance.”
To him who had succeeded him in the parish of Ceres, he said, “That people were my choice, to whom, with much peace and pleasure, I preached, as I could, though not as I should, the gospel of Christ. Though I own, that in all things I have sinned exceedingly before the Lord, yet I have peace, in that with much concern I aimed at leading them to the Lord Jesus. Tell them, that I die rejoicing in the faith and profession of what I often preached to them, under a low state of body. Tell them, that the gospel I preached to them, if they receive it not, will be a witness against them. We are, like our master, set for the fall and rising again of many. And if we can do no more, yet if we be faithful, they shall know, that a prophet hath been among them.”
*In the night-time he said, “This growing weakness of my eyes, is a sign of a change approaching. If he shut my eyes he will open my eyes: eyes no more to behold vanity. But I shall behold him in righteousness, and when I awake, I shall be satisfied with his likeness!”
*Afterwards he said, “If this be the last day of my conflict, I would humbly desire of the Lord, that he would condescend, to be tender to one that loves his appearing: that as he has dealt wonderfully with me hitherto, so he may deal tenderly with me even to the end, in loosing the pins of my tabernacle, and helping me to honour him by a composed resignation of myself into his hands.”