CONCERNING the extract which here follows, it may be premised, 1. That although there was the utmost uniformity in the whole series of his progress; nevertheless, few persons were so sensible of various alterations in spirit, with respect to the sensations of joy and sorrow; delight in God, and complainings for the want of it: owing in great measure to a singular tenderness of conscience; and the close attention which he had to all the movements of his inward man; so that things which some overlook, or entirely disregard, were esteemed by him, with regard to himself at least, as capital defections, from the law of perfect liberty and love.
His diary consists of the feeling of his own heart, through every part of his Christian race, with scarce a single hour omitted. He always wrote down reflections upon himself, as either the pressure, or felicity of his soul at that time suggested; adding any spiritual observation, or maxim, which his own experience confirmed to him.
2. It will be easily discerned, that the peculiarity of his writing, is a certain sententious abruptness; owing in part to the genius of the Hebrew tongue, in which his latter studies wholly terminated. Though what most contributed thereto, was the rapid flow of his soul, on the subjects of which he either spoke or wrote, which raised him above attending to that accuracy, which writings, at least of a public nature require. In many places there is therefore a manifest deficiency, both as to words, particles and stops; in short, like the writings of the antients, without period or paragraph, in most places: so that liberty has been necessarily taken to add, retrench, or alter, sometimes a word, or sentence, to render the sense intelligible; though still retaining his sense entire.
3. The inserting the precise date of every day’s experience, is judged unnecessary. Moreover the experience of several days, sometimes distant from each other, (tho’ rarely above a week) are thrown into the same paragraph, for the sake of brevity. The series of particulars, as to the order of time, is related as they occurred; and every paragraph begins with the experience of a distant day.
The reader being advertised of these particulars, we proceed to the extract itself.
“At the close of this last day of the year, (1750, the year in which he began to preach) I examined myself how I had lived the past year? And could only say, I had not wickedly departed from my God; but was heartily ashamed that I had not glorified him better; resolving to watch for the time to come.”
*“I prayed to God for quietness, and humility of mind; and found assistance against ‘this evil man, myself.’ O for a heart constantly fixed on God! I was reproved this day in spirit for an idle word.”
“The Lord was with me all this day. I desire to be with the Lord continually, that my communion may be stronger with Jesus than ever. O, it is heaven upon earth to have Christ in ones heart. It is the beginning of the glory of God, to receive the lovely Jesus; and with him, the joy of the Holy Ghost. O that I had the tongue of an angel to praise my Lord! Hasten Lord the glad hour when I shall see thee as thou art!”
“I preached this morning on the great and precious promises, Ezekiel xxxvi. My soul aspired to have them accomplished; for I feel the evil of my nature, and especially the evil heart of unbelief that is within me.”
“Friday, February 22. I preached this morning on Song of Solomon ii. 8. but was both dark and weak, having scarcely any power to explain any thing. O what a grief it is for one to preach, when he is left to himself, when the Lord is not his present strength and teacher! To preach consolation to others, and feel none himself! This exposes one to great temptation.”