“The 29th, I cannot say, that till three o’clock I had true communion with God. But then, the Lord clearly manifested himself to me.”
“1751. April 6. I had not much of the presence of God, nor of the comfort of the Holy Ghost, yet my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God!”
“O what an aversion I had this morning to study, and following the Lamb! If it were not for promises which the gospel affords, I should be often brought into bondage: very often is my soul cast down and my spirit disquieted within me; so that I must needs utterly faint, if it was not that I firmly hope I shall yet praise God for the health of his countenance. I felt neither comfort nor power in preaching. O what a poor creature am I when left to myself! How dark of conception; how slow of heart and speech! It sometimes happens, that while I am thus writing down my condition, the Lord appears to my help: so it is now; for God has been pleased to manifest himself unto me! And O what a welcome guest! At his coming my reins and my heart rejoice; my troubles are done away; my soul is greatly refreshed; my faith strengthened; my hope confirmed, and my love encreased. Glory be to God most high!”
“God and his ways were sweet to my soul this morning. Great was the peace of my mind, and the joy which arose from considering what the Lord had done for my soul. O how did I long to be altogether like him, in righteousness and true holiness! Throughout the day, I enjoyed sweet repose in the blood of the Lamb. In the evening I preached on 1 Corinthians i. 30. And God did indeed pour of his gracious spirit into my soul. Truly we had a heaven upon earth! O that I had the tongue of an angel to glorify thee for all thy benefits!”
“Thursday May 23. I was in great trouble, going to preaching this morning. My temptations were sore, and my trials exceeding great; occasioned partly, by the condition of some, who for a time ran well, but are turned again to the flesh-pots of Egypt. While I preached however, on Psalms xxiii. 1. my Shepherd gave me to feed upon his hidden manna.”
*“I found it hard work to be wholly set apart for God this day. I preached comfort to others, but could lay hold on little of it myself.”
“I am often like a day in spring; the sun shining bright for a little while, and soon withdrawing again. The sun of righteousness often shines upon me, with his bright beams; but alas! the light is soon clouded, and the joy vanishes away. Yet still, blessed be God, my heart stands fast believing in the Lord. For I take it for granted, that the want of strong light and joy, no more argues want of faith, than the absence of unclouded day, argues no sun in the firmament.”
“An unusual fondness for company, brought deadness upon my soul. The vanities of the world importunately intruded upon me. If God were not on my side, I should have been long ago as Sodom, and like unto Gomorrah. Such vanities crouded in upon me at prayer, that even I forgot what I was saying. I am a man sorely distressed with the wandering of my heart. I arose from prayer and read, and prayed again. The Lord at length met me, and instantly released me from my sorrow, and gave me power to wait upon him without distraction.”
“Saturday June 12. Great was the comfort which I had in God. I had the full assurance of faith, that God was my God, and Christ my Saviour. O the happiness of knowing this!”
“Tuesday 28. I was deeply convinced of my depravity. O my God, I see the impurity of my heart in such a manner as frightens me. I know that Christ can have no communion with Belial; neither righteousness with unrighteousness. Lord break not the bruised reed, nor quench the smoaking flax. Rather send down thy Holy Spirit, and set me free from the power of indwelling sin. Consume it O God. Cast out the spirit of uncleanness for Christ’s sake.”