*“Saturday, September 26. My heart was quite melted with a sense of the goodness of God, and of my own vileness. I think I now begin to repent; to have a godly sorrow for my sins. Of this I am well assured, that thoughts which were in my mind a year ago, are now a grief to me. The Spirit of God brings the sins of my whole life to my remembrance. I read them all, but more especially, whatever has been wrong in me, since I was converted. My spirit within me mourns, and my heart feelingly says, ‘Oh that I had never sinned! O that my soul and body had been always pure before thee! Oh that I had always the same light and power that God has given me now!’ But altho’ I am vile, yet this, blessed be God I know, there is now no condemnation to me: the blood of Christ hath washed away all my sins. I have the Spirit of adoption, and the peace of my God. I love him, and all his dear children; yea, and my enemies likewise. I hunger and thirst after righteousness. I rejoice in my God, and delight in doing his will. I know in whom I have believed. My name is written in heaven. Hallelujah!”
“Friday, November 22. I enjoyed a fulness of God in my soul; and had infinite sweetness in communion with my Saviour. Lord I am not worthy of these manifestations: But I see all is of free grace. I receive all through Christ the righteous. He drank the bitter cup, that I might drink the cup of consolation. Lord I would love thee infinitely, if I were able! My whole soul cries out for power to do thy will perfectly.”
“Monday December 2. I feel I am a mere nothing, and that if God withdraw his grace from me but for a moment, I should do nothing but sin.”
*“Sunday 22. All the day long my Lord was wonderfully present with me in every ordinance. Truly my soul longed vehemently to be, and live like my Saviour the holy Jesus. This indeed is the thing I aim at; and I believe according to the sure word of promise, I shall attain. O what depths and heights of holiness do I discern attainable in this world.”
*“I felt much shame before the Lord to day, for my unfaithfulness, and unfruitfulness. O God enter not into judgment with me for my sins of omission!”
*“Sunday July 4. I was troubled in my spirit because of lightness of heart, and speaking my own words, (Isaiah lviii.) How many idle words do I speak! It ill becomes a Christian, much more a preacher ever to laugh.”
“October 6. I rose with much sorrow and concern; and with shame and much brokenness of heart, bowed my soul before the Lord. My heaviness endured as it were but a moment, and the divine light shone transcendently bright upon my soul. Praying with a few friends, my joy in the Lord overcame my feeble body. And it proved to be a preparation for a trial, which came soon after. I had sweet communion with Jesus, and three of his redeemed ones this day. In the evening I pressed upon the people the necessity of inward life, from Acts v. 20.”
“My soul was mightily encouraged while I expounded, John xiv. 21–23. Inward and constant liberty is what I want; to be always recollected, having my mind stayed upon God. I would live like an angel below. For some moments indeed, I often love and rejoice in a wonderful manner: but alas, ‘How soon it dies away.’ I become comparatively cold, and can neither pray with freedom, nor rejoice with reverence.”
“Still, nature, the devil and grace, are striving with me: Christ however has the upper-hand; but I want him ‘to live and reign, the Lord of every motion of my soul.’”
“I prayed with my kindred at taking my leave of them.[¹] My brother and sister were ill, and my mother weeping after me. I found a great struggle, and believe I should have stayed, but for those scriptures, He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me. And, Let the dead bury their dead; but go thou and preach the kingdom of God. My heart felt pain and sorrow: but I took up my cross, and went immediately to Bellygarane (where were a colony of Germans) and preached that night. O what is needful for a minister of Jesus! What faith, love, purity, divine light, life and strength to finish his course with joy!”