Then he said, “Here’s a demonstration of the reality of religion; and that I a poor, weak, timorous man, once as much afraid of death as any: I that have been many years under the terrors of death, come now, in the mercy of God, and by the power of his grace, composedly and with joy to look death in the face. I have seen it in its paleness, and in all its circumstances of horror. I dare look it in the face in its most ghastly shape, and hope within a while to have the victory.”
He then said to some ministers, “My brethren, I have been giving up my wife and children to God. I am upon the wing for eternity; but glory to God, I know in whom I have believed.”
*Then he said, “Dear brethren, will you speak a word to one that longs to hear of him? O I love to hear the gospel, I love to preach it: ’Tis a joyful sound, a sweet sound. I love to hear of his name. His name is as ointment poured forth. I love to live preaching Christ; and I love to die preaching Christ.”
After that he said, “Brethren, I take this opportunity to acknowledge your tenderness to me, who am unworthy of it in many respects. I can say, I desired to live in love with you, and bless God, there was harmony among us. The Lord bless you and your labours: the Lord himself multiply blessings on you and your families, and support you against all discouragements.” Then to one of them he said, “My dear friend, shew kindness to my dear wife, and children. I recommend her to your care; she has been the friend of my bosom, the wife of my youth, a faithful friend.” Afterward he said, “Let patience have its perfect work. My soul longs more than they that wait for the morning. Lord Jesus make haste, until the day break, and the shadows flee away!”
4. After this, at his desire, a paper was read over, which he had dictated some days before. This he owned before several witnesses, and desired them to attest it. The tenor whereof follows.
Having before so disposed of my worldly concerns, as I judged expedient for my family; I thought myself bound, moreover, by this latter will, to declare my sentiments as to religion; being through the mercy of God, in the full and composed exercise of my reason, although very weak in body.
First, then, I acknowledge, I came into the world a defiled branch of apostate Adam, under the guilt of his sin, and tainted with the pollution of sin derived from him; having a heart full of alienation from, and enmity against God: in a word, a child of wrath, an heir of hell. And long did I follow the bent of this corrupt nature, going on from ill to worse: indeed I had ruined myself, and could do nothing for my own recovery; and must have been everlastingly lost, if God in tender mercy had not looked upon me.
I must, on the other hand, bless God who cast my lot in a land where the gospel of Christ is revealed; who so ordered it, that I was born of religious parents, and by them was seriously devoted to him. And whereas I early subjected myself to other lords, I adore God, that by his word and his spirit, he ceased not to strive with me, until in the day of his power he made me chearfully return to the God of my fathers.
I bless God, that when I stood trembling under the terrors of his law, he seasonably snatched me from despair, by discovering the blessed way of salvation for self-destroyed sinners through a dying Saviour. ’Tis he alone who must answer for me. Without him I am undone. On him the efficacy of his sufferings, the power of his resurrection, and of his whole mediation, as revealed in the gospel, do I build all my hope.
I bless God that ever he honoured such a sinful, unworthy worm, to preach the glorious gospel of his Son. I confess I have but ill managed this glorious trust, but have been a sinner in all I did exceedingly. Yet so far as I know my own heart, it was the life of my life, to preach Christ crucified; nor durst I deal coldly and indifferently in a matter whereon I knew depended both my own and my hearers salvation. And I must bear testimony to my master, that he never bid me go any part of my warfare upon my own charges. If I was straitened, it was in my own bowels; but when I freely gave what I had freely received, I never wanted seed for sowing, and bread for the eater, nor (I hope) a blessing.