“For the interior therefore, I follow his attractive; and for the exterior I see the divine will, which I follow, with the discernment of his spirit, in all simplicity; and so I possess by his grace, in all things, silence of spirit, a profound reverence, and solid peace. I communicate almost every day, perceiving myself strongly drawn thereto. *I continually give up myself to God through Jesus Christ, worshipping him in spirit and in truth, loving him with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength, and seeing in all things the conduct of God, and adorning and following it. And this only abiding in my soul, all things else are defaced and blotted out. I have nothing of sensible in me, unless now and then some transitory touches: But, if any dare to say it, when I sound my will, I find it so quick and flaming, that it would devour me, if the same Lord who animates it (though unworthy) did not restrain it. I enter into a heat and into fire, and even to my fingers ends, feel that all within me speaks for its God, and stretcheth itself forth in length and breadth in his immensity, that it may there dissolve and there lose itself to glorify him.”
CHAPTER II.
His Humility.
1.ST. Austin well observes, That poverty of spirit is nothing else but humility: The truly humble knowing themselves to be nothing of themselves but sin and misery, to have nothing, as being at best but manifold receivers of the grace of God; to be able to do nothing, having no power of themselves even to think a good thought, and to deserve nothing but shame and contempt, but misery and punishment. And they are willing, yea desirous, that all others should think of them as they do of themselves.
2. M. de Renty being well convinc’d that this is the foundation of all virtue, and that it was the proper virtue of Jesus Christ, whom he had proposed to himself as his pattern in all things, embraced it with his whole affection, gave himself up to it with all his force, and practised it in its utmost latitude.
3. He had so low an opinion of himself, as it would be a difficult thing to express. The greatness of God, whenever he considered it, humbled him to an immeasurable depth; “A mote, said he, in the sun is very little, but I am far less in the presence of God, I am nothing.” But correcting himself, he added, “Alas I am too much; I am a sinner, an anathema through my crimes.” To the same person he wrote, “Methinks I break myself in pieces before God: that I am spoken of, that I have so much as a name is a strange thing.” I have seen him very often (says one that knew him well) humble himself, as it were to the centre of the earth, while he spoke to me of God; saying, “It was not for such a one as him to speak of him, but that he ought rather to contain himself in silence.”
*4. This exceeding low opinion he had of himself, made him more than once say, with tears in his eyes, “That he was much astonished at the goodness of men in suffering of him, and that he could not enough wonder, why every where they threw not dirt at him, and that all the creatures did not bandy against him.” And he was persuaded, it was much boldness in him to speak, and that men shewed great patience in enduring his conversation.
5. Nor was there any thing which did not serve to increase his humility. He abased himself much in the consideration of the weakness of our nature, of which as he exprest it, “It is important that a man have experience, that he neither forget himself, nor the place he ought to hold: that no flesh may glory in his sight; that being abased and rendered as a thing that is not at all, Jesus Christ may be in him, the life of grace and holiness, waiting for the time of our redemption.”
6. But much was he humbled by the consideration of his past sins; In one of his letters to his director, he writes thus, “my faults are as one great heap, which I feel in myself, obstructing the light from God. I am strangely remiss and ungrateful, I find much in myself to confound and humble me.” In another, “I am sensible of my fault, in mentioning, that I had placed a servant in such a family. I had a motion within me, not to have spoken it; and yet it escaped from me: of which I am exceeding sensible. I should have been more faithful to the Spirit of God.” And in another, “I am as blind (or rather more) in seeing my faults as in other things. Only in general, I have a deep sense of my misery: And I can say, I am not ignorant of my unworthiness, and the deplorable corruption sin hath wrought in me. But lately I mentioned the faults of a certain person to another that knew of them before, to make him understand that he was in a better condition. But my conscience reproached me, that I might have done this without: and I confess I meddled too much in that affair. In sum, I am a straggler from God, and a ground over run with thorns.”