But labour’d thro’ the fire in vain.”
CHAPTER IV.
Of his forsaking the church of Rome.
A VARIETY of incidents contributed to this part of his conduct. He was first deeply concerned about the weighty affair of his own salvation; and then began to think seriously of the influence which his religious connexions might have thereon, which prepared him for attending to whatever he at any time either read, or had spoken to him on this head.
That which outwardly contributed most thereto was the instance of his brother, of whom he had learned Latin. “A man (to use his own words) of tolerable learning, and designed for a Popish priest. But seeing many errors among them, he renounced popery.”
About the eighteenth year of his age, while he was a strict observer of the Romish church, this brother (whose relinquishing it was some years before) began frequently to discourse with him concerning the principles of the Romanists. But “I strenuously (says he) though ignorantly withstood him; alledging in my defence the traditions and canons of the church, while he, on the contrary, appealed to the law, and to the testimony. He often said to me, My brother why do you not read God’s word? Lay aside prejudice, and let us reason together.”
“To the same purpose spake another person in the neighbourhood, one Mr. Philip Geyer, a Protestant, and well versed in controversy. Mr. Walsh, you are a sober young man (so indeed I was generally thought to be, though God knows I was drunk with enmity against him) and what pity it is that you do not read the holy scriptures? Why will you suffer yourself to be deceived by the Pope and his fraternity.”
Reasonings of this kind, which were occasionally made use of with him from time to time, together with hearing the scriptures frequently read in his brother’s school, put him at length upon a diligent consideration of both sides of the question. But as it generally happens in like cases, an attachment to old sentiments, the prejudices of education, shame, or fear of man, with a variety of other considerations, kept him for some time in strong suspense. His breast was moved with contrary, and therefore conflicting passions. He revolved in his mind, and rejected many a thought on the head, and again resumed and embraced them. Thus halting between two opinions, he complains of the “Corruption of his heart and prejudice of his education, which were as smoke upon his soul, so dimming his understanding that he could see nothing clearly.”
“I had (continues he) a custom of repeating frequently as I walked by the way, some prayers, or articles of faith which I had learned in my childhood. And walking one day in September, 1748, in a pleasant field, I was ruminating deeply on what my opponents urged against the doctrine of the church of Rome. I said in my heart—Perhaps all is not right. Peradventure I have been imposed upon. But then how shall I know? How can I be certainly assured whether the priest has led me in the right way?—Immediately it [♦]occurred to my mind, that on God alone, I could safely venture my salvation, and that without doubt, he would lead me by his counsel, if I asked wisdom of him.”