CHAPTER IV.
Of his death.
1.ON Wednesday, September 17, (and some days preceding) he was under great trouble of mind; and a friend asking him that morning, How he had rested in the night? He answered, “Not well. I have been this night sore tossed with the thoughts of eternity. I have been thinking on the Terribilia Dei[¹], and all that is difficult in death to a Christian. All my enemies have been round about me. I had a great conflict, and faith was like to fail. O that I may be kept now in this last trial, from being an offence to his people!”
[¹] i. e. The terrible things of God.
In the afternoon, when some of his brethren visited him, he said, “I am but young, and of little experience, but this death-bed now makes me old; therefore I use the freedom to exhort you to faithfulness in the Lord’s work. You will never repent this. He is a good master. I have always found him so. If I had a thousand lives I should think all too little to be employed in his service.”
2. Thursday, September 18. Being asked in the morning, How he was? He said, “O what a terrible conflict had I yesterday! But now I may say, I have fought the good fight, I have kept the faith. Now he hath put a new song in my mouth. Praise, praise is comely for the upright. Shortly I shall have another sight of God than ever I had, and be more fit to praise him than ever. O the thoughts of an incarnate God are sweet and ravishing! And, O! how do I wonder at myself, that I do not admire him more! O that I could honour him? What a wonder I enjoy such composure under these pains, and in view of approaching death! O, what a mercy, that I have the use of my reason, till I have declared his goodness to me!”
To his wife he said, “He came to me in the third watch of the night, walking upon the waters; and he said to me, I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end: I was dead, and am alive, and live for evermore and have the keys of death and hell. He stilled the tempest of my soul, and there is a sweet calm.”
When desired to be tender of his health, he said, “I’ll strive to last as long as I can. I have no more to do with my time, but to tepe it out[¹] for the glory of God.” Then he said, “I shall see my Redeemer stand on the earth at the last day. But before then, I shall see the Lamb in the midst of the throne. O, it will be a glorious company, the spirits of just men made perfect, and Jesus the mediator of the new covenant! O, for grace! Grace to be patient to the end!”
[¹] i. e. Spend it thriftily.
Then he desired a minister to pray.