Bishop Usher followed the same example and prayed earnestly to God, to pardon his sins of omission.
“Where conflicts past, redouble present joys!”
Diversity of complexions, different periods of grace, or divine dispensations; with a thousand particulars known best to God, may be taken into consideration, in attempting to account for this difference in the divine disposals concerning his servants. But I forbear attempting to solve, that of which I am free to profess my ignorance: and wait for that light, which will infallibly
——throw full day on darkest scenes of time.
It may be farther observed concerning this servant of God, that although his comforts had been exceeding great throughout most part of his experience, yet he had frequent and violent encounters with the enemy: so that sometimes we find in the same paragraph, acknowledgments of the great joy and peace which he felt, and complainings of grievous temptations and trials. Take an instance or two among a thousand, in his own words.
“I found in retirement sore struggles and deep consolation.” And again, although love and joy lived and flowed in me, yet I wept and made supplication, being strongly tempted of the devil. Ah, Lord! Thou knowest my state, and trials! And my groanings are not hid from thee! What conflicts with myself do I daily feel!
Some are tempted most in the beginning of their conversion, some towards the latter end, and others there are, who are sorely tempted throughout their whole life. The latter was his case. But now especially, his natural faculties weakning in proportion to the decay of his bodily strength, rendered him the fitter mark for Satan, to attack with his last and most violent assaults, which therefore he plyed to purpose. He could not however make him let go his integrity: nor did he alter his sentiments, concerning any point of Christian doctrine, or retract any thing he had formerly said relating thereto. And as to the course of his most secret walking, altho’ on the whole, he saw nothing whereof to glory in himself before God; but rather was continually filled with holy shame and deep abasements, at the disparity which he still perceived between himself and his holy Lord; yet there was no particular sin since his conversion, with the cherishing of which he could charge himself. To which may be added, that in the midst of this hour and power of darkness, he never once charged God foolishly; but on the contrary he sought to him with groans, and tears, and cries, without ceasing!
His sufferings both of body and mind were great beyond description: but when we consider, thus did God permit concerning him, it puts to silence every doubtful, evil reasoning on the head. By constituting him a perfect sufferer, God thereby, made him the more conformable to his suffering, conquering Son; that Man of sorrows and acquainted with griefs! And rendered his condition not that of a bastard, or base-born child, abandoned of God, and rejected; but on the contrary, that of a beloved Son scourged and purified by his heavenly Father, that he might thereby, more eminently partake of his holiness and glory. And should heaven permit his conveying to us his present sentiments, concerning his momentary afflictions, we should certainly hear him pronounce to this effect.
For all I bless thee; most, for the severe;
Amidst my list of blessings infinite,