Saturday, July 3. My heart seemed again to sink. The disgrace I was laid under at college seemed to damp me, as it opens the mouths of opposers. I had no refuge but in God. Blessed be his name, that I may go to him at all times, and find him a present help.
Lord’s-day, July 4. I withdrew, and enjoyed a happy season in secret: God was pleased to give me the exercise of faith, and thereby brought the invisible and eternal world near to my soul. I hoped, that my weary pilgrimage would be short; that it would not be long before I was brought to my Father’s house: but I was sweetly resigned to God’s will, to tarry his time, to do his work, and suffer his pleasure. I felt pleased, to be little, to be nothing, and to lie in the dust. I enjoyed life and sweet consolation in pleading for the dear children of God, and the kingdom of Christ in the world: and my soul earnestly breathed after holiness, and the enjoyment of God. “O come, Lord Jesus! come quickly Amen.”
Monday, July 19. My desires are carried out after weanedness from the world, perfect deadness to it, and to be crucified to all its allurements. My soul longs to feel itself a pilgrim and stranger here below; that nothing may divert me from pressing through the lonely desert, till I arrive at my Father’s house.
*Thursday, July 22. Journeying from Southbury to Ripton, I called at a house, where being kindly entertained, I was filled with amazement and shame, that God should stir up the hearts of any to shew so much kindness to such a dead dog as I; and was sensible, how exceeding vile it is, not to be wholly devoted to God. I wondered, that God would suffer any of his creatures to feed and sustain me from time to time.
Thursday, July 29. I was examined by the association met at Danbury, as to my learning, and experiences in religion, and received a licence from them to preach the gospel of Christ. Afterwards I felt much devoted to God: joined in prayer with one of the ministers; and went to bed resolving to live devoted to God all my days.
PART III.
From the time of his being licensed to preach, till he was appointed Missionary to the Indians.
FRIDAY, July 30, 1742. I rode from Danbury to Southbury; preached there from 1 Peter iv. 6. I had much of the comfortable presence of God in the exercise: I seemed to have power with God in prayer, and power to get hold of the hearts of the people.
Lord’s-day, August 8. In the morning I felt comfortably in secret prayer; my soul was refreshed with the hopes of the Heathens coming to Christ; I was much resigned to God, and thought it was no matter what became of me.