I am sensible there may be great joys, where there is no evidence of their being well grounded. But in the present case there seemed to be no evidence wanting, in order to prove this joy to be divine, either in regard of its preparatives, attendants, or consequents.
Of all the persons I have seen, I scarce ever saw one more bowed under convictions of sin; and scarce any who seemed to have a greater acquaintance with her own heart than she had.
And as she was remarkably sensible of her stubbornness under conviction, so she was no less remarkably reconciled to divine grace, before she obtained relief. Since which she has constantly breathed the spirit of a new creature: crying after Christ, not through fear of hell as before, but with strong desires after him as her only satisfying portion: and has many times wept bitterly, because she could not love him.—When I have asked her, Why she appeared so sorrowful, and whether it was because she was afraid of hell? She would answer, “No, I be not distressed about that; but my heart is so wicked I cannot love Christ;” and thereupon burst out into tears.—But although this has been the habitual frame of her mind for several weeks, yet she never had any remarkable comfort till this evening.
The attendants of this comfort, were such as abundantly discovered that it was truly “joy in the Holy Ghost.”——Now she viewed divine truths as living realities; and could say, “I know these things are so, I feel they are true!”—Now her soul was resigned to the divine will in the most tender points; so that when I said to her, What if God should take away your husband, (who was sick,) how do you think you could bear that? She replied, “He belongs to God, and not to me; he may do with him just what he pleases.”—Now she had the most tender sense of the evil of sin, and discovered the utmost aversion to it.—Now she could freely trust her all with God for time and eternity. And when I queried with her, how she could be willing to die, and leave her little infant: and what she thought would become of it in case she should? She answered, “God will take care of it. It belongs to him.”—Now she appeared to have the most humbling sense of her own unworthiness and inability to preserve herself from sin, and to persevere in holiness. And I thought I had never seen such an appearance of ecstasy and humility meeting in any one person.
The consequents of this joy are no less desirable than its attendants. She since appears to be a most tender, broken-hearted, affectionate, devout, and humble Christian, as exemplary in life and conversation as any person in my congregation.
March 10. Toward night the Indians met together of their own accord, and sang, prayed, and discoursed of divine things. At this time there was much affection among them. Some appeared to be melted with divine things, and others seemed much concerned for their souls.
I baptized the woman mentioned in my journal of last Lord’s-day; who appeared to be in a devout, and excellent frame of mind.
My house being thronged with people in the evening, I spent the time with them, till my nature was almost spent.—They are so unwearied in religious exercises, and unsatiable in their thirsting after Christian knowledge, that I can sometimes scarce avoid labouring so, as greatly to exhaust my strength.
March 19. Some of the persons that went with me to the Forks of Delaware, having been detained there by the dangerous illness of one of their company, returned home this day. Whereupon my people met together of their own accord, to give thanks to God for his preserving goodness to those who had been absent from them for several weeks, and recovering mercy to him that had been sick.
Lord’s-day, March 23. There being about fifteen strangers, adult persons, come among us in the week past, divers of whom had never been in any religious meeting till now, I thought it proper to discourse this day in a manner suited to their circumstances, and accordingly attempted it from Hosea xiii. 9, opening in the plainest manner I could, man’s apostacy and ruined [♦]state. After having spoken some things respecting the being and perfections of God, and his creation of man in a state of uprightness and happiness, in the [♠]afternoon, I endeavoured to open the glorious provision God has made for the redemption of apostate creatures.