Friday 4. I awoke with some degree of comfort, and had my thoughts stayed on the things of God. I found a desire, while I heard the book of martyrs read, of being like them; but could not submit to die for the truth as they did; it seemed too great a trial to flesh and blood: yet I trust was the Lord to call me to it, he would give me strength to bear it.
Saturday 5. I spent the morning in writing letters to my dear friends in Antigua, for whom I find the most tender affection. O! that we may all at length meet around the throne, and stand at the last day among the sheep at his right hand!
“O that each in the day
Of his coming, might say,
I have fought my way thro’.
I have finished the work thou didst give me to do.”
Sunday 6. In the morning my thoughts were very wandering and my mind much discomposed. When I came up, I read and writ my journal, and spent the rest of the morning comfortably. In the afternoon I read the experience of Elizabeth West. May I like the bee suck honey out of every flower, gather profit out of every book I read, every sermon I hear, and every occurrence in life, let it seem ever so trifling. The evening text was Isaiah lviii. 1. Cry aloud and spare not, &c. The preacher shewed our transgressions in the most glaring colours, and my own conscience convicted me that I had done all which he had mentioned, and more too: so that were I to be tried by works, I could not be saved.
Monday 7. I found my heart raised in thankfulness for the mercies of the night past. O for a continuance of it! Surely had I always a deep sense of the innumerable obligations I owe to my Almighty benefactor, it would keep me from falling into many of those things, which are so prevalent over me. Lord give me a thankful heart.
Tuesday 8. I awoke in a serious frame, but it did not continue long; for I yielded too much to wandering thoughts, which robbed me of that blessing. Lord make me more watchful for the future! In the evening my uncle preached a funeral sermon, on, It is appointed unto men once to die, &c. Hebrews ix. 27. My soul was very much blest, and stirred up to seek the Lord, but O how soon do my good resolutions die away. They are like the morning cloud, and the early dew which passeth away. Lord strengthen, and confirm them.
Wednesday 9. I found my soul in a very dead frame, and continued so all the day. I may truly say,