Friday 18. My soul was in a cold dead frame, and so it continued all the day, yea all the week. For tho’ I cannot accuse myself of the omission of any known duty, yet such a total indifferency I have not felt for some time. O that God would give me to see the fatal cause, the accursed thing that keeps my heart from him!
Saturday 19. I was much in the same state, and felt not the least life in any duty till evening. Then the Lord enabled me to pour out my complaints into his compassionate bosom, with great enlargement. When Mrs. L——. met me, I told her my state, she advised me not to let my deadness discourage me, but still to hold on in the ways of the Lord, who perhaps might be proving and trying me to see if I would do so or not. This gave me some comfort, and left me hopes that he would at length come and visit my soul with his salvation.
Sunday 20. My uncle’s text this evening was Luke xiii. 3. I tell ye nay, but except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. The word came with power to my heart. O God, give me grace that I may not prove a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the word, that so I may be blessed in my deed.
Monday 21. I found a desire when I awoke to spend the day to the glory of God, and I made it my earnest prayer to him that he would enable me to do it. I bless God, that through his grace I was serious, and found my mind stayed on him in some measure. O that I may always have a recollected spirit! Thou Lord, hast promised to keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee.
Tuesday 22. My mind was in some measure serious, but not as much as the day before. The text to-night was Habakkuk ii. 4. The just shall live by his faith. My thoughts were much drawn off on account of my being to set the tune, lest I should forget it. O how easily doth the enemy get an advantage over me, when I am not standing upon my guard! Lord, give me a watchful spirit!
Wednesday 23. My soul seemed like a barren wilderness, where nothing but weeds and thorns grow; nothing but evil did I find in my heart. O my God, give me thyself; then shall this wilderness become like a watered garden which thou hast planted.
Thursday 24. I found my mind kept in a serious frame all the day, blessed be God.
Friday 25. I continued in a serious frame, which I bless God, lasted all the day. O how much sweeter is it to be in such a state, than to enjoy all that the world calls pleasure! But indeed it is only they who term it so. The people of God see there is no pleasure in these foolish things; for surely nothing can satisfy an immortal soul created for the enjoyment of God, but God himself.
Saturday 26. I have reason to praise the Lord, that I found my soul still serious; this I account a great blessing, especially to me, who am naturally of such a trifling spirit.
Monday 28. When I awoke, my thoughts were still stayed, and I bless God, I was in a serious frame all the day. O my soul, if thou hadst always an awful sense of the divine presence, thou wouldest be always serious and recollected, for it is impossible that a soul which considers God is present should dare to behave in a trifling manner before his awful majesty.