Friday 17. I still continued in some measure blest. Lord increase the spark and let it grow into a flame!
Saturday 18. I was much tempted to levity, which I gave way to. But while Mr. C——k was preaching in the evening from these words, O Israel thou hast destroyed thyself: but in me is thine help. Hosea xiii. 9. My soul was much refreshed, and afterwards I was enabled to watch against every thing that might deprive me of it, so that I lay down, and rose with it again the next morning, all thanks be ascribed to God, for had I been left to myself, I should undoubtedly have lost it immediately.
Sunday 19. I awoke in the same watchful spirit, and an eager desire for faith, which I was enabled to pray for with great earnestness.
Monday 20. I yielded so much to levity, that it was with difficulty I forced myself to duty, and when I did, I was quite cold and dead, and my thoughts were wandering on some foolish thing or other. O God deliver me from a trifling spirit.
Tuesday 21. I found myself thoughtful and serious in the morning, but in the afternoon I was overcome by levity. O how soon am I drawn off what is good? But how difficult do I find it to prevail with myself to forsake the evil? For often when the Lord shews me the error of my ways, though for the present I feel sorrow and regret, yet the next temptation that offers finds me ready to comply with it; and this doubtless I should always do, did not God in that moment step in and hinder me by his restraining grace; such a propensity have I to do that which grieves my God and wounds my own conscience.
Saturday 25. In the evening I retired, and entering into a strict self-examination, I found I must own with the royal Psalmist, my inward parts are very wickedness. I saw clearly that I had broken every commandment, therefore were I to be tried by the law of works I must eternally perish. I must come with the Publican, crying, God be merciful to me a sinner. How truly might I say,
“No good word, or work, or thought,
Have I to buy thy grace,
Mercy I accept unbought,
Thy profer I embrace.”