[⭘] An Extract of Mrs. L****’s Letters
LETTERS
WRITTEN BY
Mr. BRAINERD.
To his brother John, then a student at Yale-College in New-Haven.
Kaunaumeek, April 30, 1743.
Dear Brother,
*I SHOULD tell you, “I long to see you,” but that my own experience has taught me, there is no happiness to be enjoyed in earthly friends, though ever so near and dear, or any other enjoyment that is not God himself. Therefore, if the God of all grace would be pleased graciously to afford us each his presence and grace, that we may perform the work, and endure the trials he calls us to, in a tiresome wilderness, till we arrive at our journey’s end; the distance at which we are held from each other at present, is a matter of no great moment.——But alas! the presence of God is what I want.——I live in the most lonely melancholy desert, about eighteen miles from Albany. I board with a poor Scotchman: his wife can talk scarce a word of English. My diet consists mostly of hasty-pudding, boiled corn, and bread baked in the ashes. My lodging is a little straw, laid upon some boards, a little way from the ground; for it is a log-room, without any floor, that I lodge in. My work is exceeding hard: I travel on foot a mile and half, the worst of way, almost daily, and back again; for I live so far from my Indians.——I have not seen an English person this month.——These and many other circumstances as uncomfortable, attend me; and my spiritual conflicts and distresses so far exceed all these that I scarce think of them. The Lord grant that I may be enabled “to endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ!” As to my success here I cannot say much: the Indians seem generally well disposed towards me, and are mostly very attentive to my instructions: two or three are under some convictions; but there seems to be little of the special workings of the divine Spirit among them yet; which gives me many a heart-sinking hour. Sometimes I hope God has abundant blessings in store for them and me; but at other times I am so overwhelmed with distress, that I cannot see how his dealings with me are consistent with covenant love and faithfulness, and I say “surely his tender mercies are clean gone for ever.” But however, I see, I needed all this chastisement already: “it is good for me,” that I have endured these trials. Do not be discouraged by my distresses: I was under great distress, at Mr. Pomroys, when I saw you last; but “God has been with me of a truth,” since that. But let us always remember, that we must through much tribulation enter into God’s eternal kingdom. The righteous are scarcely saved: it is an infinite wonder, that we have hopes of being saved at all. For my part, I feel the most vile of any creature living; and I am sure, there is not such another existing on this side hell.——Now all you can do for me, is, to pray incessantly, that God would make me humble, holy, resigned, and heavenly minded, by all my trials.——“Be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.” Let us run, wrestle, and fight, that we may obtain the prize, and obtain that compleat happiness, to be “holy, as God is holy.” So wishing [♦]and praying that you may advance in learning and grace, and be fit for special service for God, I remain
Your affectionate Brother,
David Brainerd.