None by Christ in earth or heaven.”
Sunday 23. I found my soul much quickened in private duty to-day. O how good is it to draw nigh to God, and yet how loath am I to do it!
Sunday 30. In reading the scripture, and one of the volumes of the Library, I found a degree of enlargement, and also in private prayer, tho’ I had felt a great backwardness to it.
Tuesday, December 2. After I was in bed, my mind was much employed in meditating on death, and the vanity of all earthly things, occasioned by hearing that poor Miss L——y was extreamly ill, whom I had seen in perfect health the last Friday. O may I spend every moment of life in preparing for a never ending eternity!
Sunday 7. In none of the duties of the day, did I find any life; my soul was as a barren wilderness unwatered with the dew of heaven. Lord, how long! When shall I taste and see that the Lord is gracious, by his giving even to me the knowledge of salvation by the remission of my sins? Monday evening Mr. J——n preached on Matthew ix. 12. The whole have no need of a physician, but they that be sick. Lord, I am sick, sick of sin, and truly sick of self. Lord, heal me; be thou my physician, and I shall need no other.
Sunday 14. Mr. J——n preached this morning upon Isaiah lv. 1. Ho, every one that thirsteth, &c. Lord, I do in some measure thirst. O give me to drink of this living water! *I was so affected when I came home at hearing that poor Miss L——y was not likely to recover, that I could not read or pray as I desired; but I found many serious, and I trust profitable reflections. O may this providence be productive of good to my soul, and to the souls of all her friends and relations, to whom it will certainly be an affecting stroke, if it does please God to require her soul at this time. On Monday evening at four o’clock, it pleased God to take to himself the soul of my dear Miss L——y. Although I found the affection I had for her in her life-time, as strong as ever, I could not shed a tear, when I first heard of her departure: I had such a sight of her in glory, that, instead of wishing her back, I almost rejoiced at her happy change, and longed for the hour to come, wherein I also shall be released and carried by the angels into Abraham’s bosom, where I shall be eternally happy in the enjoyment of his love, who lived and died for me, a poor miserable sinner. But afterwards I found nature recoil, and had the cruelty to think, that could a wish restore her to her aged parents, particularly her poor distracted mother, I should be tempted to do it. But O blessed be God, nothing, nothing can recall us, when once we are landed on the happy shore. Lord, grant that whenever death calls me hence, I may be prepared to meet it. Let the king of terrors be changed into the prince of peace; let the sting of death be drawn, and O give me a victory over the now terrible and victorious grave.
*Thursday 18. This day I with my aunt, Mrs. L——, and Miss H——, were invited to the funeral of Miss L——y: the two former declined going, but Miss H—— and I accepted the invitation; and with four other young women, were her bearers. O what an impression did this solemn scene make on my now thoughtful mind, to see her, whom not three weeks ago, I had seen in all the bloom and vigour of youth, now cut down, and her sweet agreeable tabernacle consigned to the silent grave! Lord, thought I, how soon may this be my case; how soon may I also be cut down in the morning of my life, and my parents also be lamenting my untimely end! And am I ready? Can I say with an assured confidence, O death, where is thy sting; O grave, where is thy victory? Alas, alas! it is not so with me! The approach of this formidable foe makes me tremble! O suffer me not to rest in this state, but enable even me to look with triumph on the mouldering tomb!
Sunday 21. I did not go out in the morning, but spent the day very comfortably, finding great sweetness in prayer, and much seriousness and solidity upon my mind all the day. The two following days also my mind was much busied about the things of eternity, and my own latter end.
Thursday 25. (Being Christmas-day.) In the evening my uncle preached with much life and power, on Luke ii. 10. Behold I bring you good tidings of great joy. The enemy stirred up the mob to make a disturbance while we were singing the last hymn; but in spite of them, we concluded singing, and after waiting some minutes they were dispersed, and we returned home in peace.
*Friday 26. This day and the next my soul was not in so sweet a frame as a few days before: it might be occasioned partly by a violent cold, which weighed down my body very much. O happy day when the soul shall be released from its prison, and freed from its bodily-chain; when the disembodied spirit shall be received with shouts of joy, into the paradise of God.