Saturday 11. This has been a day of sore temptation: yet mine enemy gained no advantage over me. But I want to bear the cross more chearfully; for to-day I wept under it: though it was only, to think one who professed religion, should act so contrary to it.
Sunday 12. The enemy was let loose [♦]upon me inwardly, as well as outwardly. He suggested, “What will become of thee? Thou wilt make an end of thyself, and be cast away at last.” I had scarce power to look to God, and thought it did not signify to strive any more. But, before I slept, he returned and healed my soul. May he give more liberty, love and power!
[♦] “npon” replaced with “upon”
Saturday 18. I have been much out of order for several days, and have not rose to the morning preaching. If there is any sloth in me, the Lord give me to see it; I am not sensible of it. And I hope the Lord accepts of the will, as the power is taken from me. In the evening, my brother-in-law being with us, and my husband being unwilling to pray, I delayed praying till my brother was gone to bed. But it came to me afterward, “Who art thou that thou art afraid of a man that shall die?” The Lord pardon me for it. I hope whether my husband prays or no, I shall not omit it for the time to come.
Monday 27. Glory be to God for his unbounded mercies to such a rebel as me! What blessings has he given me this day? How happy have I been in his love? May he keep the door of my mouth, that I may never more speak unadvisedly with my lips! And above all, may he keep my heart, that I may no more reason against him.
Wednesday 29. Blessed be God, Christ has been exceeding precious to me to-day. O how my heart was enlarged to poor souls! If I could have my liberty, I would spend all the time in the service of God, and have nothing to do with the world. Yet I see my own helplessness more and more, and that it is of pure love I am out of hell.
Friday 31. To-day I had a solemn sense of God, while I was in my business, and had much watchfulness over my words, saying continually in my heart, “The Lord sees me!” Glory be to his name!
Monday, February 3. Glory be to God this has been a solemn day to my soul. In the evening my poor M—— raged greatly: but I was enabled to stand in the hour of trial.
Sunday 9. Blessed be God, my evidence was as clear as the shining of the sun. Yet in the evening I was much tempted by the enemy, causing many wicked oaths to pass before my mind. But in the midst of all I could rejoice in God, knowing in whom I had believed.
Monday 10. Blessed be God, I desire nothing, but to drink deeper and deeper of his spirit. I see my evidence clear; but I see more and more of my own weakness, and long to live more to his glory. I am jealous over myself, because I do not rise in the morning as I used to do. Surely it is not because I shun the cross: for I do love him with all my whole heart. May he deepen his work of grace in my soul, and stamp his whole image upon my heart!