I am your affectionate loving brother,
David Brainerd.
To a special Friend.
The Forks of Delaware, July 31, 1744.
*—CERTAINLY the greatest, the noblest pleasure of intelligent creatures must result from their acquaintance with the blessed God, and with their own immortal souls. And Oh, how divinely sweet is it, to look into our own souls, when we can find all our passions united and engaged in pursuit of God, our whole souls passionately breathing after a conformity to him, and the full enjoyment of him! Verily there are no hours pass away with so much pleasure, as those that are spent in communing with God and our own hearts. Oh, how sweet is a spirit of devotion, a spirit of seriousness and divine solemnity, a spirit of gospel simplicity, love, tenderness! Oh, how desirable, and how profitable to the Christian life, is a spirit of holy watchfulness, and godly jealousy over ourselves; when we are afraid of nothing so much as that we shall offend the blessed God, whom we apprehend, to be a father and a friend; whom we love and long to please! Surely this is a temper, worthy of the highest ambition and closest pursuit of intelligent creatures. Oh, how vastly superior is the peace, and satisfaction derived from these divine frames, to that which we pursue in things impertinent and trifling! Our own bitter experience teaches us, that “in the midst of such laughter the heart is sorrowful,” and there is no true satisfaction but in God. But, alas! how shall we obtain and retain this sweet spirit of religion? Let us follow the apostle’s direction, Philippians ii. 12. and labour upon the encouragement he there mentions, for it is God only can afford us favour; and he will be sought, and it is fit we should wait upon him for so rich a mercy. Oh, may the God of all grace afford us the influences of his Spirit: and help us that we may from our hearts esteem it our greatest liberty and happiness, that “whether we live, we may live to the Lord, or whether we die, we may die to the Lord:” that in life and death, we may be his!
I am in a very poor state of health: but through divine goodness, I am not discontented: I bless God for this retirement; I never was more thankful for any thing, than I have been of late for the necessity I am under of self-denial: *I love to be a pilgrim and stranger in this wilderness: it seems most fit for such a poor, ignorant, worthless creature as I. I would not change my present mission for any other business in the whole world. I may tell you freely, God has of late given me great freedom and fervency in prayer when I have been so weak and feeble, my nature seemed as if it would speedily dissolve. I feel as if my all was lost, and I was undone, if the poor Heathen be not converted. I feel different from what I did when I saw you last, more crucified to all the enjoyments of life. It would be very refreshing to me, to see you here in this desert; especially in my weak disconsolate hours: but, I could be content never to see you, or any of my friends again in this world, if God would bless my labours to the conversion of the poor Indians.
I have much that I could willingly communicate to you, which I must omit, till Providence gives us leave to see each other. In the mean time, I rest
Your obliged friend and servant,
David Brainerd.