Monday 31. Blessed be God, that I am out of hell, that I have hope of seeing him in glory, and that he gives me now to commune with him, even as a man with his friend. Yet I want to be more watchful over my words. I believe it is my privilege to speak no more words than are necessary, and to the glory of God. The Lord pardon me for speaking amiss to-day, and keep me every moment watching unto prayer!
Tuesday, April 1. This has been a day of blessed humiliation to my soul, on account of my past life. I stand amazed at the goodness of God toward me. Blessed be his name, for giving me this evenness of mind. But I have need, to come out of myself more, and to rely more on Christ: the Lord increase my faith, and enable me so to do!
Friday 11. Blessed be God, for the peace I still enjoy amidst a world of business: But I want to sink down continually into the depths of humble love. I have not to-day so much comfort as I often enjoy. But I can rely upon my God: and I can appeal to him, it is my one care, to please him in all things.
Sunday 13. Glory be to God, for a peace that passeth all understanding. But I have not felt so much of his quickning power to-day as in time past. I have examined myself, and besought the Lord to shew me, if there was any evil in me. I do not find any; and it came to me, Stand still, and see the salvation of God. I have a solid peace: and though I have not so much liveliness in duty as usual, yet I find more watchfulness over my words and actions. But still how short am I of what I would be?
Sunday 20. Blessed be God, for giving me a resigned will, in the hour of trial. It has been expected these three days, that every moment would be the last with my dear little boy. Yet he keeps my mind in perfect peace. But the enemy is very busy, accusing me of hard-heartedness, for not weeping more. However, I am kept in the fire and in the water. And the Lord prepare me for whatever I have to go through!
*Friday 25. I am at present much fatigued in body, and very low in spirits. The Lord was pleased to take my dear little George to himself on Wednesday morning. He supported me in a wonderful manner: but I have found the trial nearer to-day than ever. The Lord grant I may not grieve his holy Spirit! And whatever thy purer eyes have seen amiss in me already, cover with the mantle of forgiving love! May we humble ourselves under thy mighty hand! May it be a means of pressing us closer to thee! And may we follow on, to meet our dear infants, in the upper and better world!
Saturday 26. Glory be to God, that I am still on praying ground. His grace is still sufficient for me, though I find a trying world, and a tempting enemy: sometimes I feel my child very near. The Lord pardon me, if it is wrong! Give me more of the life and power of God in my soul, and keep me from a dead form of religion!
Sunday 27. Since last night, I have been in heaviness through temptations against my husband. O Lord, be pleased to disperse the cloud and shine on thy own work! Besides, we have been exposed to-day, to the company of carnal friends. Lord, pardon our backwardness in reproving, and give us more courage for God, and make us thankful, that he hath made us to differ and give me more of that fire of love in my heart!
Tuesday 29. Glory be to God, he returned to his temple this evening. The meeting of the bands was a blessed means of grace to me. When our brethren and sisters spoke of the goodness of God, it was spirit and life to my soul. Yet I was myself backward to speak, and when I attempted it, was seized with trembling all over. But at last, blessed be God, he opened my mouth, and then all my burden dropt off. Lord, help me always to tell of thy goodness, and keep me in thy laws, till grace end in glory!
*Thursday, May 1. I have kept my bed most of the day, being in much pain. O how unfit are we at such a time, for so great a work as working out our salvation! Let none postpone their repentance to a sick-bed: it is work enough then, to struggle with sickness and pain. But how pleasant is a sick-bed, when perfumed with the love of God, and when we have a precious Christ in our bosom? Come life, come death, with my dear Jesus, and life or death is sweet.