Sunday 26. In the morning, before I rose, wandering thoughts were thrown into my mind. I begged the Lord to give me power to drive them out; and he heard my prayer. He gave me likewise a thankful heart, to think how richly he had provided for me, in temporals (while so many were in pressing want) as well as in spirituals: I could not help weeping before the Lord, and asking, “Why me, or mine? Why hast thou given me this composure of mind, more desirable than all this world? Lord, give me to press after more inward solitude, and keep and water me every moment!”
Sunday, May 3. Glory be to thy great and holy name, for all thy blessings and mercies: But above all, for my dear Jesus: I feel the value of his blood and merits more than ever. I find myself all weakness and helplessness: his blood is all my plea. Through this I enjoy great peace of mind; although much indisposed in body. But I have been in doubt what to do. I said, about a year before I found peace with God, that I would not eat any more flesh suppers, except I was with child. But, as my present disorder was thought to require it, I eat this evening a little of a calf’s foot. Lord, keep me from scrupulous fears after it: Let not the enemy accuse me for it. Help me in this, and all things, to extol thy love and guardian care.
Monday 25. Glory be to God for new desires to serve him: Lord, encrease them every moment; and enable me to put in practice every desire, and every resolution, which is to thy glory! Let me never be weary of well-doing; but endure to the end, that no man take my crown!
Sunday, June 14. To-day I was at the house of mourning, at sister Pearce’s, whose child was near death. It was an happy time. While we read the experience of some departed saints, the Lord showered down his love upon us. After the boy died, I thought, Who can tell, what a blessed convoy surrounded us, although unseen by mortal eyes? And I had strong faith, that, through the blood of the Lamb, I should one day meet the saints above. I found also great faith for the welfare of Zion, and hope that the Lord would soon build her up. In my late indisposition, I found little activity and little power to pray. And I found the enemy taking every occasion to tempt me: But there was nothing in me to side with the temptation. Glory be to God for pure love! Glory be to Jesus Christ, my Lord! O continue to reign supreme Lord over every motion of my soul!
Thursday 25. Blessed be God, I enjoy a steddy peace, and evenness of mind. But illness weighs down my body and soul, so that I am not active in the service either of God or man. I found my own spirit very near in reproving: But I looked to the Lord, and was saved. And I was kept in a great measure from reasoning. On the closest examination, I found nothing but love in my heart. But I long to have all that mind which was in Christ Jesus my Lord!
Monday, July 6. At night, after I was in bed, I found my mind wander after distant things. I found it hard to fix my mind on the Lord only; but, glory to him, the fountain is still open. I have been much better in body to-day, and have been able to pour out my soul to God, more freely than for some time past. Indeed for some time I have had little life in prayer: But, blessed be God, he even then gave me power, which I had not, when I could rejoice to go to prayer, and found it sweet to my taste. He only knows, what is best for us. And when I was tried to-day, he gave me a meek and quiet spirit. But I believe I spoke afterward more than was necessary; yet, blessed be God, without condemnation.
Saturday 11. At a funeral, I was much tempted to look at those who were still in their sins, and to prefer myself before them. But presently it came, Who maketh thee to differ? For a moment I sunk almost into despair. But I thought on the love of God, and received comfort. So busy is the enemy, first to lift us up, and then to cast us down.
Tuesday, August 4. Glory be to God, in the midst of trials, I was as calm as if I was out of the body. In the evening, while I was earnest in private prayer, I felt as it were a dart shot through me. I started a little, but still kept calling upon God, till I was more than conqueror.
Saturday 8. This evening I was obliged to speak on behalf of the injured. And I thought it my duty to speak sharply, though still in love and meekness. I found love for God and his cause constrained me so to speak: For I hate every thing that would dishonour him.
Sunday, September 9. I was closely tried from a near quarter: But I was kept in peace. I wept to myself, to think of the sore bondage sin had brought upon them who are under the power of it. It gave me to see the uncertainty of all things but the love of Christ.