Was her joy and her song:
O that all his salvation may see!
He has lov’d me, she cried,
He hath suffer’d and died
To redeem such a rebel as me!”
Though her outward situation was disagreeable, being surrounded great part of the day, with those who constrained her to see and hear what her soul abhorred; yet his grace was sufficient for her, and she remained always rejoicing, and praising the God of her salvation.
5. After some months, it was shewn her, that the seeds of sin were not yet rooted out of her heart. Yet she did not let go her confidence in God, neither lose the power over her besetting sin, which was anger. And it was her principle, not to rest an hour, without a feeling sense of the love of God.
6. On October the 9th, 1760, by the providence of God, she and I were married. She was truly an helpmate for ten years, three months, and two days: during which time we could truly say, there never was any thing but love and tenderness toward each other. There never was, that I remember, but once, any appearance of what is called a quarrel. And in a few hours she saw, it was not her business, to interfere with the discipline of the society.
7. Although there was the most tender affection between us, yet so exceeding great was her love to souls, and her desire for their welfare, that she was willing at all times for me to go to any part of the kingdom, without ever saying, “If you must go, stay a few days longer.” And if I was absent three or six months, nay, a whole year, which was once the case, she never complained. She could part with husband, or any thing, to glorify him, who had done so much for her. The last time I spoke of leaving her, she was ill. My friends then advised me, not to go. I was inclined to follow their advice, as there appeared little hope of her recovery. But she insisted on my going where Providence called, saying, “I never have hindered you yet. And if I should do it now, I believe it would be displeasing to God.” I went, and after an absence of three months, returned just at the time, when she was taken with that last illness, which prevented her going out any more. And for my coming home just at that time, she praised God to her latest hour.
8. During the last ten years of her life, she had many and great conflicts. The sense of inbred sin, and of her having so many times offended God, after she had known his love, often lay heavy upon her mind, and pierced her with deep sorrow. The earnest desire of her soul was, to be wholly given up to God. But she was tormented with that fear, lest she should not glorify God in life and in death: particularly, lest by any improper behaviour at her death, she should be a reproach to the gospel. Likewise anxious care about the world, sometimes exceedingly distressed her. She was tempted to fear, lest she should live to be a burden to the society. Or, at least, till she could not be helpful to others, as she knew, it was more blessed to give than to receive. But thro’ the mercy of God, none of the things which she had feared came upon her.