Praise him, O my soul, praise him, O my sister, for still he is bringing lost sinners to God. Yea, he has brought me to God. I feel myself weak as helpless infancy; but Christ my strength is with me: at last I am a fool for his sake.
*When I left you on Friday, and had finished my business, I sat down alone and in misery. The Lord directed me to those words: be not affrighted: I know whom ye seek; Jesus of Nazareth: he is not here, he is risen, and lo he goeth before you into Galilee; there shall you see him. I believed I should, and came home in peaceful expectation. One who had seen his great salvation prayed, that he would bless me also: but my own wisdom opposed his coming, and the conflict was great. At length my vehement soul stood still, and the mountains flowed down at his presence. My heart was filled with holy shame and humble joy: I was a little child. I entered the kingdom; we praised our King till morning, and his praise is ever new and sweet. The Lord causes us to cease from our own works, and he is glorified. O pray for us! Pray for me, who every moment need the merit of his death. I can say no more, but I do love Christ, and I love you better than ever.
My dear friend,
TRULY God is loving unto Israel, even unto me: nevertheless my feet had well nigh slipt, for I was grieved at the wicked, and pained by the good. I have been more exercised in mind than ever I was before, and the last conflict always felt severest: but I begin to see that all these things work together for my good. I never was so much saved from trusting in any creature; Jesus was never more lovely in my eyes; I feel him only desirable; I cannot repeat his compassions, for they are endless. I proved them to be sufficient for me, when all besides failed me. I doubt not but I made my cross heavier than love intended, by my own folly: but the teacher of Israel rectifies mistakes with tenderness known only to himself. At present my desire is, to overcome by enduring. I want to think and act under the eye of him who loves me, and every moment to feel it upon me. My soul longs for nearer acquaintance with God. I know neither men nor devils need hinder my intercourse with Jesus. O that I were wise to improve what I receive, and faithful to retain what his mercy gives!
Use your interest for me at the throne of grace: and go on through your croud of difficulties, aiming at Jesus. He alone is worthy your pursuit!
We are forced to feel as well as see: God alone is our support. I have had much of his peaceful presence. He is indeed greater than our fears, and better than our hopes. I was much tried on Friday; but since that I have had no painful emotion. I feel for you in the tenderest manner my heart is capable. I see Jesus will vindicate his own, and claim all your heart for himself. He sees what wounds it, and will give medicine to heal all its sickness. I believe “all you feel is mercy.” But are you strong enough to support the weight? Why should his blessings be insupportable, through our softness of spirit? O that my friend were less susceptible of those impressions! O that a dull disciple might teach you to be in some matters more slow of understanding, of a more insensible spirit!
I see the commandment is exceeding broad, and this makes Christ exceeding precious. How valuable the advocate with the Father! My soul desires to know nothing but him crucified. May you feel life, abundant life in that knowledge! O how much my Saviour loves you? I feel a little of the sounding of his bowels toward you, and my heart cleaves to him, for his goodness to you. He counts you worthy to suffer. O be thankful for this special mark of his love!
*ALL this week I have been tried, but with intervals of rest. God is a jealous God, and will be loved alone: Jesus will convince us in time, that he alone is worthy of every power of the soul. I see a field of religion before me, which I want to walk in. I know I am called to make a perpetual offering of myself, and every enjoyment, to the will of God. I do long to be a Christian. My heart goeth out after this: when will it once be? That promise is now brought to my mind, They shalt grow as willows by the water-courses. ’Tis a mournful tree; I think we shall be weeping willows, ’till we are taken into the paradise of God. The peculiar privilege there is, all tears shall be wiped away from our eyes.
O how little do I know the meaning of Jesus? Surely ’tis mercy all. Even the minutest circumstance is by his order, and under his inspection. And he will suffer nothing to hurt the apple of his eye.