I SHALL not forget the great reason I had to be thankful both to God and you, for our last conversation. It seemed to me, that I had more liberty of speaking to you than usual, though a thousand things were yet left unsaid; and you led me to make many observations, which I hope will be of lasting benefit to my soul. You have taught me to see the amazing wisdom and loving kindness of God in several instances, which I should not else have thought of; and I am fully satisfied with all his disposals: knowing he orders all things well, I chearfully submit; and I trust that strength will be given me to walk on in the way set before me, “though sorrowful, yet (in one sense) always rejoicing.”—Is it not a great blessing that the thorns are mixed with roses? This is infinitely more than I deserve.—How true is it, that the higher satisfaction we have in any thing, besides God, the greater pain must necessarily attend it? I have often been taught this lesson, in various degrees, each rising above the other; and yet I have not learnt wisdom. And who shall teach me this wisdom? Why you yourself can lay down most excellent rules, but it is God alone who can give me power to practise them. I plainly see the necessity of having every thought brought into subjection to Christ: it must be thus, if I would attain settled peace and constant recollection.—In your extract from Molinos, the state of mind I am seeking, is well described in these words: “The soul that is entered into the heaven of peace, acknowledges itself full of God, and his supernatural gifts; because it lives grounded in pure love, receiving equal pleasure in light and darkness, in night and day, in affliction and consolation: through this holy and heavenly indifferency, it never loses its peace in adversity, nor its tranquility in tribulation, but sees itself full of unspeakable enjoyments.”——And again, “Though the valley of the lower faculties of the soul, is suffering tribulations, combats, martyrdoms, and suggestions, yet at the same time, on the lofty mountain of the higher part of the soul, the true sun casts its beams; it enflames and inlightens it, and so it becomes clear, peaceable, resplendent, quiet, serene, being a mere ocean of joy.”—But alas! you will say, “How far are you from this state!” True, I am far from it indeed. And yet I have sometimes experienced some little glimmerings of it, but they have been soon disturbed: and then I have fondly said to myself, Well, when this trial, when this temptation, or difficulty is over, I shall return to my sweet peace, and my soul will be wholly swallowed up in the love of God. Vain imagination! I think I have now experimentally learnt a truth, which before only floated in my brain, “That the peace of a Christian does not consist in being free from temptations and difficulties, but in stedfastly and calmly conquering them.”—Once more, the Lord preserve you! Could my prayers avail any thing, what blessings would you receive, in body, soul, and spirit! Oh farewel, farewel! And when your soul is most carried up to God, remember to pray for,
Your grateful and affectionate,
****
April 2.
Dear Sir,
I RETURN you many thanks for writing so soon, and particularly for filling two sides of your paper. My soul was as much enlivened by your letter, as the earth, the birds, and flowers, are by the rays of the sun, after a long and heavy rain. May your blessed Master reward you for all your goodness to me!
I thank God, I have in some measure learnt that grand lesson, “Not as I will, but as thou wilt;” and I continually pray that he may teach it me more and more. The present idle and half-dying life I am obliged to lead, greatly needs this temper of mind; and it is all owing to the free mercy of my Redeemer, that I can now say, his grace is sufficient for me.
In regard to temporal blessings, I have now and then a little dispute with some of my religious friends, and I want your authority to strengthen my arguments.—They say, Whatever temporal blessing God gives, you are to rejoice and take a pleasure in it, as his gift. And I say, Whatever temporal blessing God bestows, the motive for your rejoicing should be merely the will of God: for if you rejoice in the blessing, considered as a happiness in itself (though referring it to God with a thankful heart) you are building on the sand, and your happiness will be shaken, if not overturned, by the first storm that beats upon it. But if the will of God be the motive of your rejoicing, you build your happiness on a foundation which never can be moved. The present blessing, indeed, may vanish away, but your cause of rejoicing still remaineth sure and stedfast, in time and in eternity.—Some people think the way I am in at present a prodigious happiness, and the greatest of worldly blessings, and will ask me, “Are you not pleased?”—I answer, I am pleased with every thing which is the will of God; and the answer is thought an odd one: but I cannot help it, I dare not make any other.
*You want me to say something upon Christian love ripened in eternity. But this is a theme for angels; my soul is too low, too dull to attempt to write upon it; I can only wish and pray to be a partaker of it. Farewel; may the sweetest streams of redeeming love ever fill your soul.