The Yearly-meeting being now over, there yet remained on my Mind a secret, though heavy, Exercise in regard to some leading active Members about Newport, being in the Practice of Slave-keeping. This I mentioned to two ancient Friends, who came out of the Country, and proposed to them, if Way opened, to have some Conversation with those Friends: And, thereupon, one of those Country Friends and I consulted one of the most noted Elders who had Slaves; and he, in a respectful Manner, encouraged me to proceed to clear myself of what lay upon me. Now I had, near the Beginning of the Yearly-meeting, a private Conference with this said Elder and his Wife concerning theirs; so that the Way seemed clear to me to advise with him about the Manner of proceeding: I told him, I was free to have a Conference with them all together in a private House; or, if he thought they would take it unkind to be asked to come together, and to be spoke with one in the hearing of another, I was free to spend some Time among them, and visit them all in their own Houses: He expressed his Liking to the first Proposal, not doubting their Willingness to come together: And, as I proposed a Visit to only Ministers, Elders, and Overseers, he named some others, who he desired might be present also: And, as a careful Messenger was wanted to acquaint them in a proper Manner, he offered to go to all their Houses to open the Matter to them; and did so. About the eighth Hour, the next Morning, we met in the Meeting-house Chamber, and the last-mentioned Country Friend, also my Companion, and John Storer, with us; when, after a short Time of Retirement, I acquainted them with the Steps I had taken in procuring that Meeting, and opened the Concern I was under; and so we proceeded to a free Conference upon the Subject. My Exercise was heavy, and I was deeply bowed in Spirit before the Lord, who was pleased to favour us with the seasoning Virtue of Truth, which wrought a Tenderness amongst us; and the Subject was mutually handled in a calm and peaceable Spirit: And, at length, feeling my Mind released from that Burthen which I had been under, I took my Leave of them, in a good Degree of Satisfaction; and, by the Tenderness they manifested in Regard to the Practice, and the Concern several of them expressed in Relation to the Manner of disposing of their Negroes after their Decease, I believed that a good Exercise was spreading amongst them; and I am humbly thankful to God, who supported my Mind, and preserved me in a good Degree of Resignation through these Trials.
Thou, who sometimes travellest in the Work of the Ministry, art made very welcome by thy Friends, and seest many Tokens of their Satisfaction, in having thee for their Guest, it is good for thee to dwell deep, that thou mayst feel and understand the Spirits of People: If we believe Truth points towards a Conference on some Subjects, in a private Way, it is needful for us to take heed that their Kindness, their Freedom, and Affability, do not hinder us from the Lord's Work. I have seen that, in the midst of Kindness and smooth Conduct, to speak close and home to them who entertain us, on Points that relate to their outward Interest, is hard Labour; and sometimes, when I have felt Truth lead toward it, I have found myself disqualified by a superficial Friendship; and as the Sense thereof hath abased me, and my Cries have been to the Lord, so I have been humbled and made content to appear weak, or as a Fool for his Sake; and thus a Door hath opened to enter upon it. To attempt to do the Lord's Work in our own Way, and to speak of that which is the Burthen of the Word in a Way easy to the natural Part, doth not reach the Bottom of the Disorder. To see the Failings of our Friends and think hard of them, without opening that which we ought to open, and still carry a Face of Friendship; this tends to undermine the Foundation of true Unity.
The Office of a Minister of Christ is weighty; and they, who go forth as Watchmen, had need to be steadily on their Guard against the Snares of Prosperity and an outside Friendship.
After the Yearly-meeting, we were at Meetings at New-Town, Cushnet, Long-Plain, Rochester, and Dartmouth: From thence we sailed for Nantucket, in Company with Ann Gaunt and Mercy Redman, and several other Friends: The Wind being slack, we only reached Tarpawling-Cove the first Day; where, going on Shore, we found Room in a Publick-house, and Beds for a few of us, the rest sleeping on the Floor: We went on board again about Break of Day; and, though the Wind was small, we were favoured to come within about four Miles of Nantucket; and then, about ten of us getting into our Boat, we rowed to the Harbour before dark; whereupon a large Boat, going off, brought in the rest of the Passengers about Midnight: The next Day but one was their Yearly-meeting, which held four Days; the last of which was their Monthly-meeting for Business. We had a laborious Time amongst them: Our Minds were closely exercised, and I believe it was a Time of great Searching of Heart: The longer I was on the Island, the more I became sensible that there was a considerable Number of valuable Friends there, though an evil Spirit, tending to Strife, had been at Work amongst them: I was cautious of making any Visits, but as my Mind was particularly drawn to them; and in that Way we had some Sittings in Friends Houses, where the heavenly Wing was, at Times, spread over us, to our mutual Comfort.
My beloved Companion had very acceptable Service on this Island.
When Meeting was over, we all agreed to sail the next Day, if the Weather was suitable and we well; and, being called up the latter Part of the Night, we went on board a Vessel, being in all about fifty; but, the Wind changing, the Seamen thought best to stay in the Harbour till it altered; so we returned on Shore; and, feeling clear as to any farther Visits, I spent my Time in our Chamber chiefly alone; and, after some Hours, my Heart being filled with the Spirit of Supplication, my Prayers and Tears were poured out, before my heavenly Father, for his Help and Instruction in the manifold Difficulties which attended me in Life: And, while I was waiting upon the Lord, there came a Messenger from the Women Friends, who lodged at another House, desiring to confer with us about appointing a Meeting, which to me appeared weighty, as we had been at so many before; but, after a short Conference, and advising with some elderly Friends, a Meeting was appointed, in which the Friend, who first moved it, and who had been much shut up before, was largely opened in the Love of the Gospel: And the next Morning, about Break of Day, going again on board the Vessel, we reached Falmouth on the Main before Night; where our Horses being brought, we proceeded toward Sandwich Quarterly-meeting.
Being two Days in going to Nantucket, and having been there once before, I observed many Shoals in their Bay, which make Sailing more dangerous, especially in stormy Nights; also, that a great Shoal, which encloses their Harbour, prevents their going in with Sloops, except when the Tide is up; waiting without which, for the Rising of the Tide, is sometimes hazardous in Storms; waiting within, they sometimes miss a fair Wind. I took Notice, that on that small Island was a great Number of Inhabitants, and the Soil not very fertile; the Timber so gone, that for Vessels, Fences, and Firewood, they depend chiefly on the buying from the Main; the Cost whereof, with most of their other Expences, they depend principally upon the Whale-fishery to answer. I considered, that as Towns grew larger, and Lands near navigable Waters more cleared, Timber and Wood require more Labour to get it: I understood that the Whales being much hunted, and sometimes wounded and not killed, grew more shy and difficult to come at: I considered that the Formation of the Earth, the Seas, the Islands, Bays, and Rivers, the Motions of the Winds and great Waters, which cause Bars and Shoals in particular Places, were all the Works of him who is perfect Wisdom and Goodness; and, as People attend to his heavenly Instruction, and put their Trust in him, he provides for them in all Parts where he gives them a Being. And as, in this Visit to these People, I felt a strong Desire for their firm Establishment on the sure Foundation, besides what was said more publickly, I was concerned to speak with the Women Friends, in their Monthly-meeting of Business, many being present; and, in the fresh Spring of pure Love, to open before them the Advantage, both inward and outward, of attending singly to the Guidance of the Holy Spirit, and therein to educate their Children in true Humility, and the Disuse of all Superfluities, reminding them of the Difficulties their Husbands and Sons were frequently exposed to at Sea; and that, the more plain and simple their Way of Living was, the less Need of running great Hazards to support them in it; encouraging the young Women in their neat decent Way of attending themselves on the Affairs of the House; shewing, as the Way opened, that, where People were truly humble, used themselves to Business, and were content with a plain Way of Life, it had ever been attended with more true Peace and Calmness of Mind, than they have had who, aspiring to Greatness and outward Shew, have grasped hard for an Income to support themselves in it: And, as I observed they had few or no Slaves amongst them, I had to encourage them to be content without them; making mention of the numerous Troubles and Vexations which frequently attend the Minds of People who depend on Slaves to do their Labour.
We attended the Quarterly-meeting at Sandwich, in Company with Ann Gaunt and Mercy Redman, which was preceded by a Monthly-meeting; and in the whole held three Days: We were various Ways exercised amongst them, in Gospel-love, according to the several Gifts bestowed on us; and were, at Times, overshadowed with the Virtue of Truth, to the Comfort of the Sincere, and stirring up of the Negligent. Here we parted with Ann and Mercy, and went to Rhode-Island, taking one Meeting in our Way, which was a satisfactory Time; and, reaching Newport the Evening before their Quarterly-meeting, we attended it; and, after that, had a Meeting with our young People, separated from those of other Societies. We went through much Labour in this Town; and now, in taking Leave of it, though I felt close inward Exercise to the last, I found inward Peace; and was, in some Degree, comforted, in a Belief, that a good Number remain in that Place, who retain a Sense of Truth; and that there are some young People attentive to the Voice of the heavenly Shepherd. The last Meeting, in which Friends from the several Parts of the Quarter came together, was a select Meeting; and, through the renewed Manifestation of the Father's Love, the Hearts of the Sincere were united together.
That Poverty of Spirit, and inward Weakness, with which I was much tried the fore Part of this Journey, have of late appeared to me as a Dispensation of Kindness. Appointing Meetings never appeared more weighty to me; and I was led into a deep Search, whether in all Things my Mind was resigned to the Will of God; often querying with myself, what should be the Cause of such inward Poverty; and greatly desired, that no secret Reserve in my Heart might hinder my Access to the divine Fountain. In these humbling Times I was made watchful, and excited to attend the secret Movings of the heavenly Principle in my Mind, which prepared the Way to some Duties, that in more easy and prosperous Times, as to the Outward, I believe I should have been in danger of omitting.
From Newport we went to Greenwich, Shanticut, and Warwick; and were helped to labour amongst Friends in the Love of our gracious Redeemer: And then, accompanied by our Friend, John Casey, from Newport, we rode through Connecticut to Oblong, visited the Meetings of Friends in those Parts, and thence proceeded to the Quarterly-meeting at Ryewoods; and, through the gracious Extendings of divine Help, had some seasoning Opportunities in those Places: So we visited Friends at New York and Flushing; and thence to Rahaway: And here, our Roads parting, I took Leave of my beloved Companion, and true Yoke-mate, Samuel Eastburn; and reached Home on the tenth Day of the eighth Month, 1760, where I found my Family well: And, for the Favours and Protection of the Lord, both inward and outward, extended to me in this Journey, my Heart is humbled in grateful Acknowledgments; and I find renewed Desires to dwell and walk in Resignedness before him.