A few days after noting this impression he thus communes with himself on this topic, which now began to absorb the greater portion of his thoughts.
12 mo. 3, First-day.--As I walked alone to the meeting this morning, I thought within myself, What can be the cause that I so often feel drawn in spirit towards the land of ----? My thoughts have now for a long time past so frequently and so involuntarily revolved on the subject that I begin to be very jealous over them, and to query whether it is the workings of self-imaginations. If this is the case, O that I may be relieved from them. But however unaccountable my feelings may be, a secret love towards some unknown souls in ---- is so strong at times, that if I had wings I should for my own inward peace visit them in body as I now do in spirit. It seems as if my spiritual eye saw in those parts what we may call a seed (the seed of the kingdom sown in the heart) that wants to take root downwards and spring upwards, but which is almost choked with the tares of superstition. Are there not scattered up and down in ----, many whose souls are verging from under the clouds of thick darkness, and from under the bonds of idolatrous superstition, towards that glorious liberty which is brought to light by the gospel? Something in me secretly craves an opportunity to tell those precious creatures that the time appears near at hand when this glorious gospel light will shine so clearly that they will discover a Saviour in the secret of their own hearts; and it is to him (I could tell them) that they must look for the perfection of their salvation. Should there be anything of the right savor in my heart concerning this matter, I humbly hope that in due time it will be brought to maturity, and my way made plain and easy--plain, so that I cannot possibly mistake the pointing hand of divine wisdom, and easy, so that when I hear the command I may be enabled to obey.
A very instructive time at meeting. The subject abovementioned glanced in my view, and with it the Dover-failing objection, If I am at all "apt to-teach," can it or will it be required of me to leave those here and others in this land who have need of instruction? This objection was immediately answered in a way which I never before experienced. They have, besides many teachers, the unerring light of Jesus in their own hearts unto which they know they ought alone to look for direction. And if they neglect or overlook the means in themselves, it is not in my power, a poor instrument, to do them any good. So it may be said of others to whom I may apprehend myself called. It all revolves on this single and important point,--What is the divine will concerning me? If I can only know this and am enabled to do it, all will be well.
In the Autumn he attended Liverpool Quarterly Meeting, an occasion which was one of the most memorable seasons of his life. His narrative of it is very characteristic:--
9 mo. 19.--My dear wife and I left home to attend Liverpool Quarterly Meeting. Through mercy we arrived safe there, but I, as usual when from home, felt very low and poor in spirit, and was ready to call in question my coming to the place. For although I received, as I thought, a proper signal before I left home, yet one or two circumstances occurred to discourage me from going, which I pressed through with some firmness; however, such was my uneasiness the first night in Liverpool, that I was very desirous, if my being there was in right wisdom, something might turn up to convince me that I had not done wrong in leaving home. And blessed be the name of Jesus, I had not been long in the first meeting (their Monthly Meeting the day before the Quarterly,) before I was perfectly satisfied. There were present Willett Hicks and Huldah Sears from America, and Mary Watson from Ireland. In the early part of the meeting my mind was engaged in meditating on--"God will enlarge Japhet and dwell in the tents of Shem," and so it proved. The silence was broken by W. Hicks with these words: "Great men are not always wise, neither do the ancients understand wisdom." Others present were much favored, and the meeting ended in heavenly harmony.
After it was over I found to my surprise and joy, my brother and sister from Barnsley, whom I had expected to come to Bentham to accompany us to Liverpool, and their not coming to Bentham first was one of the causes which had discouraged me in leaving home; for I once had concluded, in my wavering, to leave my going for their determination, thinking if they came it would be the means of getting me off, if not, I should give it up; but it so fell out that they took the nearest way to meet us there, without writing us word, and it would have been a great disappointment had I not been there. I should not have written so much about a seeming trifle but to show the necessity of firmness in doing what is pointed out, unless some reasonable cause prevents.
Now to the opening of the Quarterly Meeting for worship, which was like the day of Pentecost, when the place was filled with a rushing mighty wind from heaven. The first stream of ministry flowed again through W.H., who appeared from these words: "In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me and drink." It was indeed applicable; for all seemed athirst, and were invited and admitted to drink of the waters of life freely; those who were afar off drew nigh, and those who were near were enabled to acknowledge the might of Him who had called them to his footstool, and crowned them with his presence. Huldah Sears and Mary Watson were also much favored in testimony. What opened on my mind to express was this: "God speaketh once, yea, twice; yet man perceiveth it not." I thought we were bound to acknowledge that our God still reigned in Israel, and was condescending to speak to his people. Immediately afterwards M.R. appeared a long time in supplication, and then H.S. both very powerfully; so that goodness seemed to rise higher and higher, until we swam in divine life. This blessed, heavenly meeting will be remembered by some to the latest period of time.
After this event John Yeardley speaks of being favored with more enlargement of love towards the members of his small meeting; and also of having, when attending a public meeting at Wray with Joseph Wood, to kneel down in prayer for the congregation.
10 mo. 20.--To my humbling admiration, he writes, I had in the conclusion to kneel down and call on the name of the holy and high God of the whole earth, that he would be pleased to continue the blessing which he had already condescended to pour down on our heads. This is a most awful act of worship: I trust the intimation to it was attended with proper weightiness of spirit.
This meeting was a remarkable season, and is thus described in Joseph Wood's journal:--