COMFORTS OF BATH. III.
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Plate III.
One thing, though I wonder at much, I confess, is The appearance they make in their different dresses; For, indeed, they look very much like apparitions When they come in the morning to hear the musicians; And some I am apt to mistake, at first sight, For the mothers of those I have seen over night. It shocks me to see them look paler than ashes, And as dead in the eye as the busto of Nash is, Who the evening before were so blooming and plump. I'm grieved to the heart when I go to the pump; For I take every morning a sup of the water, Just to hear what is passing and see what they're a'ter; For I'm told the discov'ries of persons refined Are better than books for improving the mind. But a great deal of judgment's required in the skimming The polite conversation of sensible women, For they come to the pump, as before I was saying, And talk all at once while the music is playing! 'Your servant, Miss Fitchet.' 'Good morning, Miss Stote.' 'My dear Lady Riggledum, how is your throat? Your ladyship knows that I sent you a scrawl But I hear that your ladyship went to the ball.' 'Oh, Fitchet, don't ask me—good heavens, preserve—— I wish there were no such a thing as a nerve; Half dead all the night, I protest and declare—— My dear little Fitchet, who dresses your hair? You'll come to the rooms—all the world will be there. Sir Toby Mac Negus is going to settle His tea-drinking night with Sir Philip O'Kettle: I hear that they both have appointed the same; The majority think that Sir Philip's to blame; I hope they won't quarrel, they're both in a flame: Sir Toby Mac Negus much spirit has got, And Sir Philip O'Kettle is apt to be hot.' 'Have you read the "Bath Guide," that ridiculous poem? What a scurrilous author! Does nobody know him?' 'You know I'm engaged, my dear creature, with you And Mrs. Pantickle this morning at loo; Poor thing! tho' she hobbled last night to the ball, To-day she's so lame that she hardly can crawl— Major Lignum has trod on the first joint of her toe;— That thing they played last was a charming concerto, I don't recollect I have heard it before; The minuet's good, but the jig I adore; Pray speak to Sir Toby to cry out encore.'
COMFORTS OF BATH. IV.
Plate IV.
Jen declar'd she was shocked that so many should come To be doctored to death such a distance from home, At a place where they tell you that water alone Can cure all distempers that ever were known. But, what is the pleasantest part of the story, Jen has ordered for dinner a piper and dory; For to-day Captain Cormorant's coming to dine, That worthy acquaintance of Jenny's and mine. 'Tis a shame to the army that men of such spirit Should never obtain the reward of their merit; And after so many hardships and dangers incurred, He himself thinks he ought to be better preferred. And Roger, or, what is his name? Nicodemus, Appears full as kind, and as much to esteem us; Our Prudence declares he's an excellent preacher, And by night and by day he is so good to teach her; I told you before that he's often so kind To go out a riding with Prudence behind, So frequently dines here without any pressing— And now to the fish he is giving his blessing; And as that is the case, though I've taken a griper, I'll venture to peck at the dory and piper.