July 30, 1801. The Apothecary's Prayer is appropriately offered to Esculapius, and is truly professional in spirit, since the aspirations of the little knight of the pestle are turned to the increase of fevers, catarrhs, gout, cramp, agues, and infirmities in general, for the special advantage of his slack professional prospects and the good of his generous ally the undertaker, who is in need of the apothecary's friendly co-operation, the demand for funerals having fallen off of late.
July 30, 1801. The Quack Doctor's Prayer is addressed, over a chest of patent quack medicines, to the illustrious shade of the renowned Doctor Rock. The empiric candidly confesses that his miraculous Cure-all-able Vegetable Drops, Never Infailibus Infallibus, supposed to issue from the laboratory of Esculapius himself, are nothing more than a decoction of beetroot, lump-sugar, spring-water, cognac brandy, and Hollands gin. The Quack Doctor prays that his carriages and equipages, his town and country residences, and all other good things of life, may be continued to reward his impudent charlatanism.
August 1, 1801. The Stockjobber's Prayer is prayed by the pious speculator, bank-book in hand, and is offered to the adorable and ancient Lady of Threadneedle Street. The wishes of the stockjobber refer to 'rises in the Funds' and 'undertakings in the Alley,' and conclude with a pious hope that he may never have the misfortune to 'waddle out a poor and neglected lame duck.'
August 1, 1801. The Female Gambler's Prayer commences with an invocation: 'Enchanting Pharaoh, thee I address with a heart teeming with gratitude for all the favours showered on thy ardent worshipper. Thy name, O mighty Pharaoh, is derived from the Hebrew, literally to make bare, and well thou knowest I delight to make bare, even to the last feather, the pigeon that flies to my midnight orgies.' The petition concludes with an entreaty that the Right Honourable Fraternity of Gamblers may be protected from the strictures of Lord Kenyon (who had commenced a crusade against fashionable gamblers, and had especially made attacks on those ladies of rank who encouraged tables in their houses), and their persons preserved from all the dire horrors of the stocks and pillory, with which this inflexible judge had threatened the incorrigible, if any person could be found to bring them within his jurisdiction.
August 10, 1801. The Actress's Prayer.—'Hear me, Dramatic Sisters, gay Thalia and sublime Melpomene; be guardians to your supplicant and aid her in her profession.... I pray thee, should I ever reach the boards of a London theatre, may my terms be as enormous as my abilities are conspicuous, and finally my labours be crowned with the coronet of honour, and that I may become a convert to domestic happiness.'
August 10, 1801. The Jockey's Prayer is put up to Nimrod. The aspirations of the hero of the turf tend to a wife—'a pretty well-bred filly, one that would come easily to collar, prance to the Circus of Hymen, and run with her owner the generous race of mutual affection.'
September 5, 1801. The Cook's Prayer.—The fat mistress of the spit has gone down on her knees before the roaring fire, beside which are the preparations for dinner. Her prayer is addressed to all the gods and goddesses whose celestial appetites are not too refined to relish the good things of this world. She beseeches their influence to continue her a twelvemonth longer in the service of Alderman Gobble, and then, with the little perquisites she has hashed together, she may be able to enter on a certain eating-house in Pye Corner, which she has longed for these three years. She concludes by entreating that the bosom of John the Coachman may be moved to become her partner in the concern.
September 12, 1801. The Sailor's Prayer.—'O mighty Neptune! hear an honest British Tar; thou knowest I trouble not thy godship every day, and I therefore pray thee to grant my prayer, for I love not long palavering and that there, d'ye see ... Worthy Master Neptune! send us a good prize, I beseech thee, and be not sparing in brandy and tobacco. Give us also a few chests of the Don's dollars, for Mounseer hasn't got none—no more than there is in your three-pronged boat-hook.'
September 20, 1801. The Publican's Prayer.—'Holy Silenus, father of all-inspiring Bacchus, continue, I beseech you, the custom of the original Golden Lion, and inspire me, its landlord, with becoming gratitude for all thy favours. Grant me success, I pray thee, with the rich widow of the adjoining street, whom thou knowest I adore; send that she may frequently look into the bar, till in time she becomes its fixed ornament. Grant but this addition to my stock in trade, and I have nothing to ask thee for but plenty of smuggled spirits and protection from the exciseman.'
September 20, 1801. Poll of Portsmouth's Prayer is addressed to Thetis. The supplications of this damsel, who is gaily attired in bright colours, and ornamented with numerous coral necklaces, bracelets, watches, seals, lockets, and trinkets, gifts from tars at sea, are directed to prayers for the safe and speedy return of her numerous generous admirers, then on board their ships.