I have observed that Dr. Lardner only wished to publish a part of the treatise which my friend put into his hand. The other part of it contained remarks on the reasoning of the apostle of Paul, which he could not by any means approve. They were, therefore, omitted in this publication. But the attention which I gave to the writings of this apostle at the time that I examined them, in order to collect passages relating to the doctrine of atonement, satisfied me that his reasoning was in many places far from being conclusive; and in a separate work I examined every passage in which his reasoning appeared to me to be defective, or his conclusions ill supported; and I thought them to be pretty numerous.
At that time I had not read any commentary on the scriptures, except that of Mr. Henry when I was young. However, seeing so much reason to be dissatisfied with the apostle Paul as a reasoner, I read Dr. Taylor’s paraphrase on the epistle to the Romans; but it gave me no sort of satisfaction; and his general Key to the epistles still less. I therefore at that time wrote some remarks on it, which were a long time after published in the Theological Repository Vol. 4.
As I found that Dr. Lardner did not at all relish any of my observations on the imperfections of the sacred writers, I did not put this treatise into his hands; but I shewed it to some of my younger friends, and also to Dr. Kippis; and he advised me to publish it under the character of an unbeliever, in order to draw the more attention to it. This I did not chuse, having always had a great aversion to assume any character that was not my own, even so much as disputing for the sake of discovering truth. I cannot ever say that I was quite reconciled to the idea of writing to a fictitious person, as in my letters to a philosophical unbeliever, though nothing can be more innocent, or sometimes more proper; our Saviour’s parables implying a much greater departure from strict truth than those letters do. I therefore wrote the book with great freedom, indeed, but as a christian, and an admirer of the apostle Paul, as I always was in other respects.
When I was at Nantwich I sent this treatise to the press; but when nine sheets were printed off, Dr. Kippis dissuaded me from proceeding, or from publishing any thing of the kind, until I should be more known, and my character better established. I therefore desisted; but when I opened the theological Repository, I inserted in that work every thing that was of much consequence in the other, in order to its being submitted to the examination of learned christians. Accordingly these communications were particularly animadverted upon by Mr. Willet of Newcastle, under the signature of W. W. But I cannot say that his remarks gave me much satisfaction.
When I was at Needham I likewise drew up a treatise on the doctrine of divine influence, having collected a number of texts for that purpose, and arranged them under proper heads, as I had done those relating to the doctrine of atonement. But I published nothing relating to it until I made use of some of the observations in my sermon on that subject, delivered at an ordination, and published many years afterwards.
While I was in this retired situation, I had, in consequence of much pains and thought, become persuaded of the falsity of the doctrine of atonement, of the inspiration of the authors of the books of scripture as writers, and of all idea of supernatural influence, except for the purpose of miracles. But I was still an Arian, having never turned my attention to the Socinian doctrine, and contenting myself with seeing the absurdity of the trinitarian system.
Another task that I imposed on myself, and in part executed at Needham, was an accurate comparison of the Hebrew text of the hagiographa and the prophets with the version of the Septuagint, noting all the variations, &c. This I had about half finished before I left that place; and I never resumed it, except to do that occasionally for particular passages, which I then began, though with many disadvantages, with a design to go through the whole. I had no Polyglot Bible, and could have little help from the labours of others.
The most learned of my acquaintance in this situation was Mr. Scott of Ipswich, who was well versed in the Oriental languages, especially the Arabic. But though he was far from being Calvinistical, he gave me no encouragement in the very free enquiries which I then entered upon. Being excluded from all communication with the more orthodox ministers in that part of the country, all my acquaintance among the dissenting ministers, besides Mr. Scott, were Mr. Taylor of Stow-market, Mr. Dickinson of Diss, and Mr. Smithson of Harlestone; and it is rather remarkable, that we all left that country in the course of the same year; Mr. Taylor removing to Carter’s lane in London, Mr. Dickinson to Sheffield, and Mr. Smithson to Nottingham.
But I was very happy in a great degree of intimacy with Mr. Chauvet, the rector of Stow-market. He was descended of French parents; and I think was not born in England. Whilst he lived we were never long without seeing each other. But he was subject to great unevenness of spirits, sometimes the most chearful man living, and at other times most deplorably low. In one of these fits he at length put an end to his life. I heard afterwards that he had at one time been confined for insanity, and had even made the same attempt some time before.
Like most other young men of a liberal education, I had conceived a great aversion to the business of a schoolmaster, and had often said, that I would have recourse to any thing else for a maintenance in preference to it. But having no other resource, I was at length compelled by necessity to make some attempt in that way; and for this purpose I printed and distributed Proposals, but without any effect. Not that I was thought to be unqualified for this employment, but because I was not orthodox. I had proposed to teach the classics, mathematics, &c. for half a guinea per quarter, and to board the pupils in the house with myself for twelve guineas per annum.