I shew not here their daunces yet with filthy gestures mad,
Nor other wanton sports that on the holydayes are had.
In some place solemne sights and showes, and pageants faire are play'd
With sundry sorts of maskers brave, in straunge attire arrai'd. [94]
XXXIV.—ZEAL AGAINST WAKES AND MAY-GAMES.
But nothing seems to have excited their indignation more than the church-ales, wakes, and May-games. An author I have before me inveighs greatly against the erecting and decorating of the May-poles; [95] among others, he uses the following arguments: "Most of these May-poles are stollen; yet they give out that the poles are given to them; when, upon thorow examination, 'twill be found that most of them are stollen. There were two May-poles set up in my parish; the one was stollen, and the other was given by a profest papist. That which was stollen was said to be given; when it was proved to their faces that it was stollen, and they made to acknowledge their offence: this pole was rated at five shillings. If all the poles, one with another, were so rated which were stollen this May, what a considerable summ it would amount to!" So much for his reasoning. He then attempts to be witty; and arraigns the goddess Flora at the bar: "Flora, hold up thy hand; thou art here indited by the name of Flora, of the city of Rome, in the county of Babylon, for that thou, contrary to the peace of our sovereign lord, his crown and dignity, hast brought in a pack of practical fanaticks; viz. ignorants, atheists, papists, drunkards, swearers, swash-bucklers, maid-marrions, morrice-dancers, maskers, mummers, May-pole stealers, health-drinkers, gamesters, lewd men, light women, contemners of magistrates, affronters of ministers, rebellious to masters, disobedient to parents, mispenders of time, and abusers of the creature, &c." This silly invective is concluded with a poem as dull and insipid as the prose; in which the May-pole is supposed to be addressing itself to one who is passing by it. The last lines run thus:
Now, traveller, learn more grace to shew
And see that thou thy betters know:
Thou hear'st what I say for myself,
I am no ape, I am no elf;