PROVERBS OF THE BILLINGS FAMILY.
Humin natur is the same all over the world, cept in Nu England, and thar its akordin tu sarcumstances.
A kodfish aristokrat alwus puts me in mind ov a drunken man a tryin tu walk a krack.
Rum is good in its plase, and hel is the plase for it.
Akordin tu skripter thar will be just about as many Kammills in heavin as rich men.
When yu korte a widder, yu want tu du it with spurs on.
Larfin at yure own story, while yu are tellin on it, is a good dele like firing a gun oph thru the tuch hole.
A pet lam, alwus makes a kross ram.
A live harte sumtimes gits intu a ded body, so dus perls git intu jersa clams.
"Glory enuff for one da," attendin a nigger kamp meeting.
He who skorns to be inflooensed at tall by fashun is a wize fool.
I am prepaired tu say tu sevin ov the rich men out ov evry ten, makes the most ov yure money for it makes the most ov yu.
If i had a boy who didn't lie well enuff tu sute me, i wud set him tu tendin a retale dri good store.
Man was kreated a little lower than the angells and has bin gittin a little lower ever sinse.
The moste oneasy kreetur i ever perused, was a bob tale bull, in fli time.
When a feller gits a goin down hil, it dus seem as tho evry thing had bin greased for the okashun.
I hav known folks whose calibre was very small, but whose bore was very big.
The meanest man i ever nu was the one who stole a suggar whissel from a nigger baby tu sweeten a kup ov rye koffee with.
Pluk is a nise kompound ov pride, vanitee and vartue.
Robbers are like rane, tha fall on the just and the unjust.
We hate those who will not take our advise, and despise them who do.
A FU REMARKS.
Moral swashun consis in asking a man tu do what he aught tu do without askin, and then beggin hiz pardon if he refuses tu do it.
I hav finally kum tu the konklusion, that a good reliable sett ov bowels, iz wurth more tu a man, than enny quantity ov brains.
Musick hath charms tu soothe a savage; this may be so, but i wud rather tri a revolver on him fust.
It alwus seemed to me that a left handed fiddler must pla the tune backwards.
I hav often bin told that the best wa iz tu take a "Bull bi the horns," but i think in many instanzes i shud prefer the "tale holt."
The fust law ov natur iz tu steal; the sekund law is tu hide, and the third iz tu—steal agin.
Poverta acts the same onta a man's branes, az exercise dus onto hiz boddy, gives an appetite.
I never could cee any use in making wooden gods mail and femail.
If the harte iz rite, the hed cant be very rong.
Tha tell me that femails are so skarse, in the far western country, that a grate menny married wimmin are alreddy engaged tu their sekund and third husbands.