Josh Billings having stopped to kiss the baby once more, arrives at the depot just too late to catch the Express train (?)—See page [156].
AFFERISIMS.
I suppoze the reazon why wimmin are so fast talkers, is bekause tha dont hav tew stop tew spit on their hands.
After Joseph's bretheren had beat him out ov hiz cut ov menny cullers, what did tha dew nex? Tha pittied him!
Thare is nothing in this life that will open the pores ov a man so mutch, as tew fall in luv, it makes him fluent as a tin whissell, as limber as a boy's watch chain, and as perlite as a dansing master; his harte is as full ov sunshine as a hay field, and there aint any more guile in him than there is in a stik ov merlasses candy.
Thare dont seem tew be enny end tew the ambishun ov men, but thare is one thing that sum ov them will find out if tha ever dew get tew heaven, and that is tha cant git enny further.
He who kan hold awl he gits, kan most generally git more.
Conshense, is onla another name for truth.
Yu kant alwus tell a gentleman by his clothes, but yu kan bi his finger nails.
Adam invented "Luv at first sight," one ov the gratest laber saving masheens the world ever saw.
It is a grave question whether, in curtailing super-fluitys in these hard times, we have a moral right tew cut oph a dorg's tale tew save the expense ov boarding it.
Are Greenbacks a lawful tender? If yu dont believe it tri one on me, espeshila one ov the heavy ones.
Dont never parade yure good luck, nor yure bad luck before men, the first will make them think less ov yu, and the second will make them think more of themselves.
Thare are a grate multitude ov individuals who are like blind mules, anxious enough to kick, but kant tell whare.
I hav herd a grate deal ced about "broken hartes," and thare may be a fu ov them, but mi experiense is that nex tew the gizzard, the harte is the tuffest peace ov meat in the whole critter.