That wisdum aint nothing more than edikated cunning.
ON LECTURES.
Dec. 9, 1864
I take my pen in hand, to inform you, that i am in the Lekturing bizzness. I have jined the army ov martyrs, and am having a healthy time. I lektured laste nite, tew a flooded house. Had a revival, evry fu minnits, it would hav did yu good, tew hear the people holler. The way things look now, i think i shall be able tew retire from private life, in a fu months, and keep 3 or 4 dogs, and a fish pond. Yesterday, i reseaved a dunnin letter, from mi fashionable tailor, for a coat, that has bin wore out, more than 2 years. I replied tew the limited cuss, briefly, as follers: "Dear sur—Enklozed, pleze find 20 dollars—if yu can. Yures, sum, Josh Billings."
I thought i would try a tragik lektur at fust, but tragediz are gitting so common, now a daze, that yu kan git them done, and warrented, for 25 dollars. Mi Lektur is the normal comick, with an okasional effort tew be witty.
I hope you are well, and hav a good appetight. Remember me kindly tew Reub Fenton, when yu see him.—I also reseaved 2 letters bi to daez male, which i will let yu answer for me; thru yure valuable collums.—One ov them is from an individoal, who sines his name "Hennery," and tuther is from a person bi the name ov "Mirakle."
Hennery:—The best time tew sett a hen, is when the hen is reddy. I kant tell you what the best breed is, but the shanghigh is the meanest. It kosts as mutch tew board one, as it duz a stage hoss, and yu mite as well undertake tew fat a fanning-mill, by running oats thru it. Thare aint no proffitt in keeping a hen for his eggs, if he laze less than one a day. Hens are very long lived, if they dont contrakt the thrut disseaze,—thare is a grate menny goes tew pot, evry year, bi this melankolly disseaze. I kant tell exactly how tew pick out a good hen, but as a genral thing, the long-eared ones, are kounted the best. The one-legged ones, i kno, are the lest ap tew skratch up the garden. Eggs packed in equal parts ov salt, and lime water, with the other end down, will keep from 30, or 40, years, if they are not disturbed. Fresh beef-stake is good for hens; i serpoze 4 or 5 pounds a day, would be awl a hen would need, at fust along. I shall be happee tew advise with yu, at enny time, on the hen question, and—take it in egg.