Laughing is strikly an amuzement, altho some folks make a bizzness ov it. It haz bin considered an index ov karakter, and thare iz sum, so close at reasoning, that they say, they kan tell what a man had for dinner, by seeing him laff. I never saw two laff alike. While thare are some, who dont make enny noise, thare are sum, who dont make ennything but noise; and sum agin, who hav musik in their laff, and others, who laff just az a rat duz, who haz caught a steel trap, with his tale. Thare is no mistake in the assershun, that it is a cumfert tew hear sum laffs, that cum rompin out ov a man's mouth, just like a distrik school ov yung girls, let out tew play. Then agin thare iz sum laffs, that are az kold and meaningless az a yesterday's bukwheat pancake,—that cum out ov the mouth twisted, and gritty, az a 2 inch auger, drawed out ov a hemlok board. One ov these kind ov laffs haz no more cumfert in it than the—stummuk ake haz, and makes yu feel, when yu hear it, az though yu waz being shaved bi a dull razer, without the benefit ov soap, or klergy. Men who never laff may have good hearts, but they are deep seated,—like sum springs, they hav their inlet and outlet from below, and show no sparkling bubble on the brim. I don't like a gigler, this kind ov laff iz like the dandylion, a feeble yeller, and not a bit ov good smell about it. It iz true that enny kind ov a laff iz better than none,—but giv me the laff that looks out ov a man's eyes fust, to see if the coast is clear, then steals down into the dimple ov his cheek, and rides in an eddy thare awhile, then waltzes a spell, at the korners ov his mouth, like a thing ov life, then busts its bonds ov buty, and fills the air for a moment with a shower ov silvery tongued sparks,—then steals bak, with a smile, to its lair, in the harte, tew watch agin for its prey,—this it is the kind ov laff that i luv, and aint afrade
PIONEERS.
God bless the pironeers—the whole ov them—inkluding the man who fust rode a mule. Hiz name waz Stickfasst, he will be remembered az long az black wax will be, hiz posterity have aul bin good stickers, sum ov the best clothes-pins the world ever saw, cum from this familee.... I remember olde Buffaloo. He waz a sunsett pironeer; he started tew discover, "out west," 40 years ago, hiz property was a wife, with the side ake, 2 galls, just busting thru their clothes into womanhood, 2 boys, who kould kill a skunk at 3 paces, and dodge the smell, a one-hoss wagging, a rifle, and a brass-kittle, he squat at Rock River, in the Illinoise, for 6 months, and then moved on more westly, the last that ware seen ov him, was the hind-board ov hiz wagging, just doubling the top ov the rocky mountains.... And thare waz Beltrigging, who fust diskovered the tempranse question, he had bin a suckcessful rumdrinker, and seller for 36 years, and had retired with a pile, he diskovered kold water one day, on the back side ov hiz farm, digging out foxes; he lektured nex day, in a 7-day babtiss church, and told his xperiense; he made 13 hundred dollars lekturing, and died 9 years afterwards, in grate agony, having drank 4 drops ov french brandee, on a lump ov brown sugar bi mistake. He begot Springwater, and Springwater begot Rainwater, and Rainwater begot Dewdrop, and Dewdrop begot Morning-Mist, awl ov them selebrated tempranse lekturers.... And there waz Solomon Saw-dust, the author ov bran-bred, and nailrod-soup; he waz a champion ov lite weights; he fit the dispepshee in aul its forms; he lived for 18 months, at one heat, on the smell ov a red herring, and gained 9 pounds in wind. He had menny admirers and immitaturs the moste grate ov which was Wet Pack and Water Kure.... And there waz Mehitable Saffron, the virgin-hero ov wimmins' rights; i herd her fust orashun, in the town hall; she spoke without notes, at arms' length. She ced, "woman had a destiny that man kouldn't fill for her, and az for her, she could go it alone, she didn't want no he-creeter around her, she had on a pair of kowhide pegged boots, and closed up bi holding hi in the air, a pair ov corduroy breeches, which she swore bi the good olde Mozes, waz awl enny man had to brag ov".... She waz the first pironeer in the corduroy britches business, she died celibate, and haz had menny followers amung her sexes, but none that had the jism she had.... And then thare waz Old Perpetual; he got crazee at last, but not till he had invented a pitch-pine dog, with a bass-wood tail, that would bark and chase every wagging that cum along, clean down to the bridge over bean kreek. He got out a patent for a sorrel horse, and a nu milch cow, and lived till he was 90 years olde, and then died from a kold he had caught, down seller, trieing tew make soft sope, out ov bull's liver. On hiz grave stun waz these affekting paragraph: "State, and county rights for sale, enquire ov —— the widder."
"There is a kind of physiognomy in the titles
of books no less than in the faces of
men, by which a skilful observer
will know as well what to expect
from the one as the
other."—Butler.