A pun, tew be irresistable, don't ought to flavor ov malis aforethought; but wants tew cum sudden and apt, like a rat out ov his hole.
How menny men thare is who argy, just as a bull dus, chained tew a post; they beller and paw, but they kant git away from the post.
Monuments are poor investments—the bad don't deserve them, and the good don't need them.
Thare is a grate menny stricktly honnest folks in this world; they wouldn't take a cent from enny man that didn't belong tew them, nor giv enny man a cent that didn't belong to them.
I consider cerimony principally an effort ov vanity, or a kind ov fashionable golden rule, which stimulates folks to do unto others as they would hav others do unto them.
Criticks are generally self-made men, and often poor jobs at that.
Thare is one happiness in me that haint grone an hour older sinst it was born, and that is—the fun of the thing.
The heathens worship wood and stone; christians worship Nevada bricks.
It ain't no credit tew a cow to giv a pail full ov milk, and then kick it over—nor any other man.