It is strange, and it is melankolly true, that those men who spend their time and talents in makin us happier, never gain mutch ov our respekt.
Thare is a grate menny people who kno jist enuff tew make a smudge, but don't kno jist enuff tew clear it away.
I don't know ov a more keen sarcasm, than a learned man listening attentively tew a fool.
The grate merit thare is in modesty, lies in the modesty thare is in merit.
Thare is 2 kinds ov hypokrasy: one tries tew appear better than it is, and the other wuss than it is—one is a wolf in sheep's clothin, and tother is a sheep in wolf's clothing.
The hight an depth ov human wisdum, is tew kno oneself; but the human heart kan never be known, only by the God who made it.
I never hear a robin on the hiest lim he kan git, pouring out his evening praise, but I am certain, that someboddy in Heaven is listenin.
About the most originality that enny writer kan hope tew arrive at honestly, now-a-days, is tew steal with good judgment.
I was once asked bi a talkin cuss, "which i thought was really the mostess happyness, the married or the single?" i sed tew him that in many cases it was like trieing tew winter on injun meal or buckwheat flour; before he had got half way thru, he would wish he had tried the other. i don't kno whether he took my advise or not.
In a match game (where both parties are marryin for money) aul side bets are konsidered off—George Wilkes told me so.